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RJWilliams
RJ Williams
United States, CA, Covina

Words: 150
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Never knew-Wee challenge #26

Remnants of the soup she had fed him held on to his whiskers like morning dew. She carefully wiped his face with a moist toilette, and cleared the serving tray from his bedside.

“Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave?”

“Would you come back again tomorrow?”

“I’m covering for the regular nurse.”

“I hope you do, you have a soothing voice. Can I hold your hand, if you don’t mind?”

She extended them reluctantly before him, and waited. His own, tentatively shook as they made the distance, without sight to guide them. Thoughts of pulling away swam in her head.

“They’re soft, I knew they’d be.”

“Sleep well.”

“You’re an angel.”

It was shocking to see his face again. Back then, the woman was always to blame. For years, she had done the same. Though late, peace had finally come.

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Comments  
Kerosene Comment by: Kerosene - 2008-02-22 07:08
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Not quite sure I get the ending, but the build up to it is nicely done.

Suggestion:

"Remnants of the soup she had fed him held on to his whiskers like morning dew." - instead of "held on" how about "clung"? Yeah, you know it sounds better.

Thanks for sharing,
john
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-02-19 20:18
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This was an excellent scene, RJ. Very well done.

I'd only adjust one thing: "It was [shock] to see his face again." - change this to "a shock" or "shocking"
Arley Comment by: Arley - 2008-02-18 13:42
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This was a dandy, RJ! I’m betting he’s her ex.
Matthew Eduard Abuelo Comment by: Matthew Eduard Abuelo - 2008-02-17 21:48
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I really like the warm feeling of this piece.
lancslass Comment by: lancslass - 2008-02-17 09:48
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This s an intense scene, RJ, with a lot of unspoken history. Nice job.
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