As I look out across the stage, my damn legs begin to wobble. I shouldn’t have worn this lightweight, white trench coat. It’s cold, though, and I don’t want to catch an illness; especially in this place, with all these crazy people around.

I know they want me dead. Those terrorists are all over. They won’t ruin me, though. They can’t stop my message, no matter what they do.

I was really tired when I woke up this morning. It certainly didn’t help that I had an intense headache going on. Andy, my analgesics guy, gave me some medicine to deal with the headache. He does public relations, too. Kept that S.O.B. Jackson from finding any dirt on me for his campaign ads. Thank goodness, too. I have a lot of dirt to hide.

He must be really meticulous to have kept Jackson from finding anything out. I call him “Anal Andy,” since he is so anal about details. I’m not sure why he laughs when I call his name. Maybe the name isn’t such a good one, after all.

Wearing my slippers to this speech isn’t a very good idea, either.

My wife, Brandy, is sitting at a table over to the side. Her friends are with her, giggling and gossiping. Gosh, do I love her – Wow! Her friend Ginnie is looking exquisite. I shot a wink in her direction that screamed of the complement, “Nice rack, Ginnie.”

The chorus of cheers could be heard throughout the audience. They’re cheering for me. Their hands are held high and moving in wave-like manners; even the people in the back, who couldn’t get seats and had to settle for standing up for the speech, are moving about in a furious fashion.

I take a deep breath and yell at the top of my lungs. I had to calm them down. The crowd suddenly silenced. I now have its attention.

“We will win this day! We will emerge!” I throw my hands above my head in a triumphant sign of victory.

The crowd is silent, though. I only hear a handful of yells and jeers. What is going on?

Suddenly, two men emerge from behind and grab hold of me. I struggle to keep them off of me. They’re just too strong! One of them pulls a syringe from his waist and stabs it into my arm. Almost immediately, things turn a bright white. What is this? Am I dead? Is this Heaven? Such euphoria!

As quickly as the moment came, it left. Another man grabs my arm and walks me over to a recliner in the corner of the room. The television is blaring something fierce.

“Wheel of Fortune’s on.”

If only someone would turn up the volume.

“Where’s the puzzle?”

“Calm down, Mr. Andrews.”

I notice a little drool on my face from the scuffle. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my nurse walking over. Thank goodness. I could use a woman’s touch right now.

“Howdy Nurse Brandy, how are you doing today?”

“I’m fine, Mr. And–”

“Oh no, no, no, Nurse Brandy. You know you can call me by my real name.”

“Which is?”

Oh crap. What’s my name? Quick, come up with something, man! You’re losing her!

“Uh... Wouldn’t you like to know,” I smile and wink. I bet she liked that.

She dabs the drool away. “Okay. Well, we’re done here. Let me know if you need anything else,” she says in a monotone voice as she walks away to the nurses’ table.

She didn’t even look me in the eyes. What did I do to deserve that?

Another person comes over to me, gets down on their knee, and pats me on the shoulder. “It’s 5:00. Here’s your medication, Mr. Andrews. I hope your headaches go away soon.”

I whimper as he feeds me the pills. “Thanks, Anal Andy.”

He walks away, chuckling to himself.

As usual, my head falls onto my shoulder, and the weight and worries of the world lift from my brain. As my eyes close, I can see the solution to the puzzle on the television. Even though only one letter from the three word phrase is uncovered, I know the answer. “Life is good.”

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