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taiyu
taiyu john robertson
United States, iowa, iowa city

My Bookshop
Words: 117
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Lulu

Lulu was a saint
Smart as Einstein
Sexy as Mae West
Funny as Lucy
And so loving
It scared me

There was a need
Down in her
Down deep
I think
Where she thinks
Only the right man can fill

But you know
Saying this like that
Makes her seem
Somehow superficial
When the truth is
Quite the opposite

Because when push comes to shove
She knew the score
Far better than anyone with her
How all this works

And chose it anyway

So that though at times she hurt a lot
Therefore the giving wasn't unconditional
It came
Awful
Damn
Close

And in that
There is a peace
We mere mortals
Never ever
Even
Glimpse

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My Bookshop

Comments  
nadinesellers Comment by: nadinesellers - 2008-03-20 18:24
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i've met her, in the mirror at times, so damn close, so--

first line sixth stanza, clayish, lumpy, doesn't want to let go.
phillmag Comment by: phillmag Online- 2008-02-18 06:08
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Taiyu, i like the bareness of your style. i like the awful/damn/close lines. it gives emphasis. a suggestion: drop the (and) before therefore. it's just a thought.
TirzahLaughs Comment by: TirzahLaughs - 2008-02-17 14:52
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The first two stanzas pull me in...get me interested. But it falls apart at the end of Stanza three. The last line really falls flat.

I think you could punch up the bottom half of this poem and make it as good as the top. A good idea--but not quite where it could be yet.
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