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Fistful of Change -- Wee Challenge 26
What stays with her afterwards is the coins’ fall. It replays in an endless loop: the scattering of tiny thuds on the shop floor, the silver and gold discs wheeling off along their separate tracks; and that moment when she said, ‘Oh!’ as she witnessed the money drop.
When she should have been noticing the mist of sweat on his face, the sudden greyness of his skin, the way he crumpled as gracefully as a dancer and his fish-out-of-water gasping for breath.
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| This is cool, packed with imagery. Brilliant, berff. |
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Comment by: Juan2 Online- 2008-02-18 19:47
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Almost feels like slow-mo in a movie, it's so easy to visualize this event the way you have written it. I like idea - that what she focuses on isn't important but it stays, but also the lack of full details, that we (readers) are to figure out the scene in our heads and fill in the blurred blanks. Well done, and with room to spare!
happy writings. |
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You have captured this moment so well, and in so few words. I saw a vivid picture. I agree that when these things happen it's often some odd detail we remember to represent it for us.
Very well done, I don't know how you think them up. |
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| You are sweet to revisit - thank you, Geo! |
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Comment by: wizzer Online- 2008-02-18 14:14
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i actually think that any sense of awkwardness adds to the theme when i reread.
love trying to sort out why i feel discomfortable with some things and then usually i realise it's me
xxx geo |
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