“Hello there, and welcome back. I’m Skip Jensen and today we have a fantastic guest for all you science fiction fans. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome…Stormtrooper?”

“Hi. Thanks.”

“That’s your name? Stormtrooper?”

“Well, technically it’s TK-421. But for most people, Stormtrooper is just easier to remember.”

“Right. So, let’s see here…you’re a clone. Is that correct?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Hmm, what’s it like being a clone?”

“Well, lemme see…hanging out with 80,000 other guys that look, talk and act exactly the same as you. Everyone watches the same shows, we all have the same favorite color. We eat meatloaf for dinner every single night. Not to mention trying to get laid, I mean talk about even playing field. It’s not cool, not cool at all. It fucking sucks Skip.”

“Right…sorry bout your luck kid. How about this Darth Vader, is he a bastard to work for or what?”

“Are you serious? No, he’s actually quite a sweethear- Of course he’s a bastard! The guy can choke you to death from the other side of the friggin room, I’ve seen it! I can’t think of a worse guy to work for in the galaxy….okay, maybe Jabba, maybe.”

“I see. Tell me a bit about your uniform there, is that right…uniform?”

“Uniform…battle armor.”

“Sorry, battle armor.”

“Yeah, well it’s um, eighteen pieces. A lot of people don’t realize that, I mean that’s a lot of parts to get dressed with in the morning. And of course, try to take a whiz in one of these things. I’m telling you right now, you’ll end up wet and warm!”

“Yowza!”

“What?”

“Yowza!”

“What?”

“Nothing, go on.”

“Um, anyway, as I was saying, it’s eighteen pieces. The helmet, of course, has breathing filters. The eye lenses…this is an interesting fact, the lenses are actually polarizing, ya know…to protect against…intense glare…and…such…”

“Go on.”

“Really?”

“Oh yes, please. Very interesting…go on.”

“Are you fucking with me?”

“Not by any means, please sir. Mr. Xj69 or whatever your name was…do continue.”

“Sure, okay. And it was TK-421, thanks. Anyways, the back plate of the suit has twenty minutes of emergency oxygen in case-”

“Great then, moving on. What about-”

“I thought you said-”

“Hmm?”

“But you-”

“But I…?”

“Nevermind.”

“Right then, moving on. So is there any variance at all in your profession?”

“First of all, it’s not just a profession, it’s a lifestyle. And secondly, no…not really. Well…actually, that’s not true. There is some variety. For instance, there are, like fifteen different divisions of troopers.”

“Really, like…?”

“Like?”

“Like? For Instance…like?”

“Oh, like?…Like Hazardtroopers, Sandtroopers, Snowtroopers. See it all depends on the situation, environment and so on. Each branch has specialized training.”

“And can you switch branches once you’ve chosen one?”

“Chosen?”

“Right. Let me re-phrase that one. Um, once you’re a Sandtrooper, can you quit and retrain as, say, a Snowtrooper?”

“No.”

“I see. So it’s not so much variety on an individual basis.”

“Well, no. I guess not.”

“Absolutely mesmerizing. Right. Okay, so we have some more questions for you here from our internet readers. Oh yes, DaJediOfDoom420 asks: ‘Why, if since your birth/cloning you are trained to do nothing but fight, going through countless training hours with your weapons, years upon years of target practice using your standard issue E-11 Blaster Rifle knowing that your entire existence was one day going to come down to nothing more than your absolute ability to aim, target, and fire that weapon…why is it then that none of you have EVER hit ANYTHING or ANYONE that you’ve EVER shot at EVER!?’”

“Hmm, well…he does seem to have a good point there. Uh… well educated also, if I might add…nice namedrop on the E-11…very cool. Thanks. Next question.”

“You didn’t actually answer that question.”

“Oh? Didn’t I? Hmm, well…I believe…wha-? Did you hear that?”

“Did I hear what?”

“Was that…yes, I think that was Darth calling me. I should get back, he gets really up-”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“Well, you don’t have the special…ear…adjuster…my helmet…we have…thingys…really, I should go. Thanks again for having me.”

“Right. Thanks again to our guest then, Mr. Xt357 something or other.”

“It’s TK-42-”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.”

“Right. Thanks again, comeback anytime. Folks this is Skip Jensen once again bringing you the big interview. Goodnight.”



© Copyright 2007 Jack Thomas

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