writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
jgilgun
Jane Gilgun
United States, Minnesota, Minneapolis

My Bookshop
Words: 246
Access: Public
Comments: 4

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Sweet Angel

He with the golden aura
watched the tumors grow.
At first she seemed fine
The medication must've helped
Surgery does no good for these tumors

They had children together
she working as hard as he
making sure
the offspring had the right foods friends opportunities
though he more than she
took actions to ensure their safety
picking them up when they fell for instance

After a while the medication didn't work
The kids were grown and on their own
They were alone except for three household helpers
He saw she was hardly moving breathing hard
The tumors spread to one eye
she could not see
It didn't matter to him
She was still beautiful

He hovered close night and day
wanting to ensure her comfort
willing her back to life
leaving to eat and take care of himself
then back to his vigil
One morning she was sprawled on her side
The life gone out of her

Then he was alone except for the three helpers
He ate and seemed all right
Two young cousins joined him
They chatted for the first few days
Then he drifted into the background
while they watched him from a distance
not wanting to disturb him
wanting to respect him
Their joy in each other seemed
to make him miss her more

He became uninterested in eating
not moving
One morning they found him dead
in the far corner
of his aquarium
no tumors
no blindness
an intact angel fish

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]


My Bookshop

Comments  
jgilgun Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-03-13 15:38
Add to Readers
      
Thanks, Phil. I'm glad you liked it. I was really attached to that pair of fish. They were incredible parents, really into it. I had no idea how attached they were to each other.
phillmag Comment by: phillmag Online- 2008-03-13 15:22
Add to Readers
      
what a nice suprise! i really like: the kids were grown and on their own/ they were all alone...
jgilgun Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-02-23 09:42
Add to Readers
      
Thanks, Rosie. Yes. The baby fish when first hatched stay on broad leaves of the plants in the tank. They fall and this father and mother would catch them and place them back on the leaf. I will look at the poem again and see how your comments work. Thank you.
Rosie Sandler Comment by: Rosie Sandler - 2008-02-23 09:25
Add to Readers
      
Oh no - I didn't see that ending coming at all, Jane. It was a very moving poem, though. I only wondered: wouldn't it be them hovering in the background, rather than him, as they didn't want to disturb him, in his grief?

Do fish children fall and need picking up?

Not sure why you've got a full-stop at the end of line 2, then no punctuation. Maybe just delete that one.

Wow - long poem, which absorbed me completely. Good writing!
1

Sponsored Ads


By jgilgun

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S