Tainted Remnants of Human Memory
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Tainted Remnants of Human Memory
You hold in your hand
A piece of your heart
And it slips down to the floor
A knife to your throat
A gun to your head
A Do Not Disturb sign on the door
Beware of all the whisperers
Who'll break your heart in two
I feel the pain you've locked inside
Because I once was you
Your shattered soul
Has let you go,
Has given your mind to fear
Your dry eyes
Have forgotten what
It feels like to have tears
Do not give in to the silence
That draws you to the end
Do not listen to all the lies
Come, and meet my friend
The hole in your heart
Cries out in the dark
For a Saviour to set you free
Take His hand
He paid the price
When He died at Calvary
The tainted remnants of your life
Summon the death of your soul
Give Christ your pain, your fears, your hurt
And He will make you whole
His hand reaching out
He knocks on the door
He's asking to come inside
He'll touch your life
And make you clean
He'll remove the doubt and lies
Don't risk the chance of dying
Without knowing where your soul will be
Drop the knife, uncock the gun
And let Jesus set you free.
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| I like the lyrical quality and ABCABC ABAB format (since I'm also a songwriter, I find it tough to write poetry that doesn't rhyme). You lost the meter a few times, though, especially in the fourth stanza (I'd use "Don't" instead of "Do not" to keep the right rhythm). I didn't really expect it to be a poem about Jesus after reading the first stanza, but going back and reading it again, it makes sense, and after reading your prose it's obviously very personal to you. |
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I love the line "Has given your mind to fear
Your dry eyes"... this would be a great anti-suicide poem to share with someone in trouble. |
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I agree with Maggie. Just a suggestion:
"Hands reaching out
He knocks on the door
Asking to come inside
He'll touch your life
And make you clean
Remove the doubt and lies"
Good write. |
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This piece has a bit of an epic atmosphere happening. The ending was organic in my opinion and worked to sum the piece up. I don't know how well the repetion of the word "He's"/ "He'll" on the seventh stanza worke, it broke up the meter and rhythm a bit in my opinion.
good word chocies, there is obviously alot fo heart int his piece.
thanks for the read. |
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Comment by: Valerie - 2006-06-01 16:46
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| O what a lovely poem, and what a tribute to our Lord. Thank you for sharing. |
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