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Never Knew
Turning the page he saw the photograph and his memory hurled him back into her arms.
Five years had passed since he’d last seen that smile or brushed that cheek with a parting kiss.
He knew it couldn’t be his wife; her slain body had been found a couple of months after her disappearance. He never knew why she'd gone out that night, to that part of town. Reluctantly he had accepted the return of her wedding ring - with her death she had finally divorced him.
So it couldn’t be her face beneath the ivory veil, couldn’t be her new husband looking so proud.
But still, there was something hauntingly familiar about those eyes…
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-09-15 17:14
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Hi Mark
Thanks for digging this one up - I'd forgotten all about it.
Yep, good call on newspaper page, I'll fix that when I edit (usually before I sub, so it'll hang around forgotten until them - I'm hopeless).
The return of the wedding ring was after her 'death' - return of belongings kind of thing.
Slain was deliberate - because she faked her death, it had to be violent/brutal, to hide identity. Yeah, I'm reaching, I know ;-)
Thanks again.
Karen |
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Comment by: mark22 - 2008-09-15 03:52
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Interesting, I would specify newspaper page (I thought at first it was a wedding album he was looking at) and just go straight to the image: "Turning the page in the newspaper, he saw the photograph in the Weddings section and instantly he was hurled back into her arms."
The slain body suggests a violent death, but the return of the wedding ring suggest she wanted to divorce him. Now that she's back in the photo, alive and well, it suggests a ruse on his wife's part.
Drop "hauntingly" at the end; or revise the sentence, could he see her eyes through a veil in the photograph? How about something else familiar, a favourite necklace or earrings he had given her?
And "slain" is bothering me too - it's too much. "Dead" would be fine.
Loved the collection of shorts you posted here - the one with Alien in, you have a real comic talent for those. I'd like to swap comments on novels with another writer - I see you've got one on the go. Understand completely about chopping reader lists, and keeping genuine readers only, and I can promise worthwhile reviews. |
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-02-27 13:24
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Thanks Tim, Mitra and Ada - I'll take a look at the points you raise - especially me and my ubiquitous buts.
Cheers
Karen |
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(Shivers). It's just the thought that she arranged for some other poor soul to turn up dead to complete her escape.
Loved this. The only nit I can pick is 'slain'. Might be a personal tic, but thought it seemed a bit high-register for the context. I think if someone's been slain then a dragon or at the very least an errant sea monster must have been responsible.
Thanks for the read XX |
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Comment by: mitra - 2008-02-22 06:18
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| I like the order of the narration. Keeps us readers interested. The last sentence didn't deliver enough impact as the rest though. In fact, you could do without the last sentence simply because the rest is strong enough. |
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"Wonderful World of Worders"
A collection of micro-fiction by 72 writers, from 27 countries, compiled by Jenni Doherty, published by Guildhall Press with support from the Arts Council of Northern Ireland.
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