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ChrisHately
Chris Hately
United Kingdom, Co. Durham, Stanley

Words: 519
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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The Tides of Youth

Waves washed gently against the beach, slowly eating at the message dug into the sand, written hours before. ' I love you'. The couple had long since left. I'd watched them, their youthful glee, their loving embraces, each one stabbing at my heart. Two hours I watched them, racing up and down the beach with that God-awful dog, oblivious to everything around them. Love? The girl's ring finger appeared to glint, so I can only imagine they were married. Or engaged. Probably at home now, curled up in front of a fire, happy together, with that sodding dog.

Anyway, down to brass tacks. Why the hell am I describing this? Well, because it happened. It happened and, although I've never met them, and probably never will, it struck me that Louise had left a void in my life. Louise was a girl I knew, worked at Marks and Spencer on Northumberland Street in Newcastle. Blonde, blue eyes, thin, but not too thin. Nice arse as I remember. We talked, she seemed nice enough. We went out for a couple of drinks one night. Things went quite well, if I remember rightly...

***

James strolled comfortably into the Pitcher and Piano, on the Newcastle queyside. He saw Louise at the bar and strode over, pulling up a seat. They exchanged greetings, then talked to one another about themselves, their day, the usual.
"So, what've you been up to?" Louise usually got in first with the questions.
"Not too bad, not too bad, hard day at the office, but hell, isn't it always?" He smiled, "You?"
"Er...not too bad either, to be honest...been thinking though."
"What about?"
"Well...this'll sound stupid. Are we a couple?" She blushed slightly and downed the remainder of her scotch.
"Well...I dunno. Why do you ask?" James looked slightly taken aback.
"Well, do you want to come back to my place? I dunno, for a coffee?"
"Er, sure, go on." He finished his drink, and they left together, getting into a taxi.

Half an hour later they were sat in a small apartment in Jesmond, on Louise's couch, both drinking coffee.
"You know," Louise said softly, "we could make quite a nice couple, don't you think?" She moved closer to him, setting her coffee down on the table.
"I dunno, maybe" Louise moved closer and put her hand on his chest.
"Why don't we find out?" She leaned over and kissed him.

***

We made love that night. It was then that I was at my happiest. I woke the next morning to find her standing at the foot of the bed wearing my shirt and carrying a plate which held my breakfast. I wolfed down the carefully made fry-up as she lay down beside me again. Once I'd finished I lay back and we fell asleep again.

We saw each other for about two and a bit years after that. Then we had a big fight, and drifted apart. We kept in touch after the split, and after a little while became friends again. She was raped and killed18 months after the split. She was 25.

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Comments  
Comment by: - 2006-08-25 11:38
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Nice story. I thought I knew where you were going with it, but I was very much mistaken...gotta love the surprise ending.
Comment by: - 2006-02-23 19:52
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I agree with Teri. I am somewhat addicted to the style you write with. Being deep in the South of the U.S., yourself and several others are like a breath of fresh air in the way you write. I think this will be even better as you expand on the characters
Comment by: - 2006-02-23 13:53
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A nice read made more interesting by the fact I live close by.
Quayside spelling to check.
Also this line 'Half an hour later they were sat in a small apartment in Jesmond, on Louise's couch, both drinking coffee'.
I think writing that the apartment is in Jesmond doesn't work too well or alternatively, explain about Jesmond being a leafy affluent area.
I dunno but that was the only thing that stuck out for me.
Really enjoyed it though.
Comment by: - 2006-02-23 13:47
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This story has potential. The plot is already developing. I always like shocking endings. Need to explain the big fight they have. Otherwise good work.
waxseal Comment by: waxseal - 2006-02-23 13:35
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Okay, too many "er's" - (a pet peeve of mine:-) but other than that I liked it alot - I think the end was WAY to abrupt - I mean, it's thats the direction you want to take it it will develop into a GREAT story after that - but the ending sentence makes the reader go 'what?' rather than , "(big indrawn breath) Oh my god!"
So, mybe if you want to keep it a short story you could keep the idea and change the words - like, "she dissapeared soon after. She was 25." And THEN that leaves us wonderin' and it's all too easey to slip into a bigger story.
But still, for all my nitpicky rambling a really great start!~
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