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Memento Mori
Winter ain't good for nothing but weeding out the sick and the poor, or leastways that's what Daddy always said.
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You may read the rest of this story in Smokelong Quarterly's 5th Anniversary issue:
http://smokelong.com/flash/8194.asp
There is also an interview with me associated with the story:
http://smokelong.com/interview/433.asp
So sorry about the lack of hotlinks--html doesn't work for everyone on EditRed.
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| Sensei? Yeah, right. I'm a genre-specific writer. You write genre horror-specific AND literary. So far the ONLY thing I can say approaches literary is "Infestation." But, you might say--between studying award winning literary stories ALONG with your work--you "infested" my mind. lol! |
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Thanks, John. Yes, this was a first draft. I've since done a few tune-ups and subbed it a few places. I think I'm going to do this story a day thing again in May--see if springtime will shake the death vibe I've been writing all winter.
I'll think about that lead a bit. This was prompted from that quote and an actual memento mori photo of an infant. So you know about those? Way creepy--the adult photos are even weirder. I get the old folks saying things in my research. Recently I collected one that goes, "In this world and then the next--and then the possums come." Still don't know exactly what to do with that one.
Actually, the improvement has much to do with those editing tips you shared with me. These 29 stories are the first fruits of my incorporating all of that into my style. So--thanks, Sensei--you done good! |
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Wow! (I write that a lot at your stories, don't I?)
The only critique I could give is your hook. I know in reviews you're supposed to start with something positive and work toward the negative critiques, but I love breaking the rules, don't you?
The hook should be in the first sentence or even the byline next to the title in order to fish hook an editor's eyes and force them to keep reading. Here's your hook: "Winter ain't good for nothing but weeding out the sick and the poor, or leastways that's what Daddy always said." If an editor buys this, its because he will agree that winter is to hated and killing off society's weaker members.
Maybe that will work.
But I don't think so. I tried to come up with a good hook example, but why? You're a FANTASTIC writer.
Rosie, your writing has improved so much since writing this flash fiction its not funny. My only question is this: is this a first draft? If so, its spectacular. If not, its still really well written.
The only other thought I had was talking about the stink was a little strong (pardun the pun), but what really really REALLY empowered the story was having Lil' Mo frozen in the barn, showing how daddy wouldn't look at the box. Powerful, the harsh frozen reality of rurual life captured like an old black and white snapshot... just like Lil' Mo.
Powerful and moving!! |
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Comment by: helao - 2008-03-04 09:11
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Everyone grieves differently as you've shown effectively in this story. I was also able to appreciate the subtelty of the differences in how they view little Mo's death, with the father refusing to look at little Mo in the coffin "looking like he was asleep." He recongnizes the finality of it all.
And it's not easy to narrate from a child's point of view. You did it convincingly with her language and observations. |
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This was a sad reminder that people often died from from what are now treatable sicknesses. I was struck by the irony of leading line and the undertone of anger from the father. I'm glad he never lashed out. The child's perspective was spot-on.
A good one, Rosy. Heartfelt and sad. |
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