Here it comes, crashing into me, over me
Drowning me, choking me, stinging my eyes.
My mama’s words, dictated from her mountain so high.
I stand on the shore, not even in the water,
Doesn’t matter to her though no one is right, not even my father.
The words keep coming, knocking me down,
Oh please God, don’t let me drown.
I stand or try to on my own, but I’m knocked to my knees,
Her words, her stare are like the water, its so cold Lord, I feel I might freeze.
Shaking with rage as I beat my fists into the sand,
I can’t stand up, God please take my hand.
Why won’t she stop?
Splashing, crashing, smashing, spinning me like a top.
Calm this raging water, set me free,
Free me from the choke hold that binds me.

All my life, she has been there you see,
Watching, teaching and loving me.
But why won’t she let me go, let me be,
Break this hold that she keeps so tight on me?
Mama, are you my nemesis or my friend?
Stop this tug of war, I want it to end!
Her way and hers alone, that’s what she wants, not my own.
My God, I’m mother now myself, I am full grown!

My kids see me cry over my heartache and pain,
Which is why I never am overbearing with them, I have nothing to gain.
I can only trust that I’ve taught them and taught them well,
I don’t want to make their lives like mine with mama has been, a living hell.
If I do what she says, then I’m good as gold in her eyes,
Oh but woe to me if I have my own thoughts, opinions, in hell I’m gonna fry.
She has a way of making her will God’s own, to use against me,
To keep me going the “right” way, but she’s not God nor can she be.

Using God to bend me to her will, her vision, her way,
I’m tired God, things can’t stay this way.
I need to stand on my own two feet,
because I need to grow, but not to her defeat.

I still love her, I really do,
But she thinks since I want my freedom that I must hate her too.
I want to yell, cry and scream,
Wake up, this must be a dream.
I fear right now to her I am lost.
I’ve now got my freedom, but at what cost?
She won’t talk to me says we are now divorced,
My god mama, was there any other recourse?
I don’t want to not have you in my life so let’s not fight,
But just for once, once in my entire life, couldn’t I be right?


Copyright © 2008 K. R. Vance

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