I’m thinking about the future. What can I do today that will help me tomorrow? My life has taken a different and interesting course and I’m pleased with it. However, as with any new course, some obstacles have come up. Some foreseen and some not. I’m learning that we really can’t count on anything until we know for sure and the check is in our hand, or we’ve signed on the dotted line with all of our t’s crossed and I’s dotted. Till then it’s just “available”. A reachable goal until like with some things, an obstacle is reached, can we go over, around, or thru it? Hard to say, depending on the situation. I have to trust God to navigate me thru this new course. Being newly married after being a widow for six years, I now have a blended large family of 5 kids and I’m a step parent. Combining homes, lives, incomes…yeah.. only one of us has an income at this time, me. Funny that, I’m the woman here but my husband is still in charge. I don’t really mind, but at times I’m insecure. I’ve been the breadwinner of my home for sometime now so it’s nothing new, but adding two new family members well, that can take some creative budgeting. Which I admit, we handle well. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to work, its just he’s been looking for a job for nine months now and it has frustrated him to the max that for the first time since he was 14, he’s not bringing in any income. That can be hard for a man who has always provided for his family and was raised to think that is what he MUST do. The unemployment has run out and he does not qualify for more. To say the least, it was blow to my husband’s ego. A little over a week ago, God put upon his heart to stop searching for a job because God had a job for him. He cried as he told me this. I was shocked but I trust God to provide for this family and besides, I immediately saw the benefits of his doing this. One, he would not be so focused on finding a job that he could enjoy being around and getting to know his new family. He would literally spend hours online on Monster.com, Careerbuilder.com, etc., being on the phone, rushing to job interviews, all while trying to build a relationship with me and our kids. Two, that he could begin to relax, he was so stressed, he began to lose weight, lose confidence in himself. Let me tell you, his weight was already below 160 and dropping below 150 had me concerned for his health. It’s not a good thing to see your husband this way. It hurts to see the one you love suffer. I tried reassuring him daily that our basic needs are met and the bills are paid and let’s just enjoy this time and see how God will move upon the situation. Fully relying on God, hmmm, something that has been difficult for me in the past and I sometimes still struggle with it. With the mounting pressure of my sometimes overbearing mother, things hit an all time low. That’s when the Holy Spirit revealed to me for my husband to write, to start a journal about this process of waiting, our waiting for God to move. Well, I’m the writer in our family and a published author of children‘s books, my husband says he knew nothing of how to write a journal much less, he thought it would be a waste of time. However, God confirmed his word and so my husband began to write. I began to help him in anyway he let me. With each passing day, my husband’s strength returned, his attitude changed. He’s no longer obsessed with finding a job. After all, God is our supply and we have everything we need. It may not come when we want it, but its always there when we need it. He now writes a daily blog online that tackles such topics as Renewal, Fear and Control. I’m proud of the way he has taken on his assignment even though he did not realize its relevance to our situation. I don’t know where it will go but I do love the change in my husband, the renewed spirit, the laughter we share, the intimacy we share and the joy we get from writing together. I also know that someone else is struggling with the same issues and needs God’s reassurance that He will provide. My husband’s words reflect his heart for God and his family. His love for me is unwavering as is mine for him. I know God has a plan and He brought us together for a reason. Not only are we a blended family of step parents and kids but we are racially mixed as well. I’m a mix of Haitian, Choctaw Indian, Creole and African, my husband is Italian/Dutch. Our children are Hispanic, Portuguese/Malaysian, African, Cherokee, and French Canadian. A myriad of beautiful skin tones from light to dark. Everywhere we go, we attract attention. Mostly good with lots of smiles, but sometimes, we encounter fear, envy, prejudice, mean looks, and questions. Our kids are beautiful and we could not be more proud of them. Our families didn’t take our decision to marry well, despite the fact that they are also believers. The enemy will use those closest to you to hurt you, to discourage you from following God’s will for your life. But in the midst of all things that we as believers struggle with, (some have more or less than others), when we rely on God, He works it out for our good and His glory. Our family is like a rainbow, in fact that’s what we call ourselves, “the rainbow family”, the rainbow being God’s promise, His covenant with us. The rainbow touches the earth and reaches up to the heavens. We are a “covenant” family. We are the example of how God wants all of us to work together, with no regard to race, creed or color. We are the salt, the light in a dark world. If we don’t have faith and share it, how can we expect others to know God? God has never failed me yet, and He always amazes me with how He works things out. God always keeps His promises and that’s why I know that no matter what the circumstance, I can fully rely on God.


Copyright © 2008 K. R. Vance

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