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In The Frame
The queen of procrastination bought an interesting key holder. It had a narrow shelf, 4 picture holder sections with little hooks below the glassed areas. Being aware of her problem with dillydallying, she immediately hung the decorative key holder beside her front door and over the years it’s been a handy device for her. Today she sat down and composed a letter to the manufacturer asking for updated photos to put in the frame.
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| Very cute. Love the final line, and I can relate to procrastination. I laughed outloud at the punch line. Great. Janet |
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OMG The last line caught me so off guard. She really is the queen. No crits from me. It's funny in a sad little way. Thanks for the read.
Verdi |
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Perhaps, Cher'ley, you could have the 'queen of procrastination' at the end of the story, to give less away at the start e.g. 'She wasn't called the queen of procrastination for nothing.'
Also, I would put the no. 4 as the word 'four' - just a personal thing (imo)
But, I have three picture frames on my bread-maker, only one of which has been filled by myself, the other two use stock photographs of something or other, but I'll get around to changing them one day (perhaps, the king of procrastination is crowned)
Enjoyed the idea, and the theme hits close to home.
Thank you for the read - Grae:) |
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-02-27 13:07
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I really liked the opening line - there was a danger of 'tell' because you're telling us she's a procrastinator rather than showing, but by using it as a 'title', you side-stepped that nicely.
Yeah, the last line really caught me off-guard - to have no photographs but those provided bythe manufacturers is desperately sad.
Nice one, Cherley.
Cheers
Karen |
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The queen of procrastination bought an interesting key holder.
//good..
It had a narrow shelf, 4 picture holder sections with little hooks under the glassed areas.
//A narrow shelf and 4 picture holders with little hooks rose behind glass.
oh i know.... 'rose' aint great.
im just trying to show you..
It had a narrow shelf, 4 picture holder sections with little hooks under the glassed areas.
//pure telling.
A narrow shelf and 4 picture holders with little hooks rose behind glass.
//showing.
she immediately hung the (decorative key holder)
//cabinet maybe?
(Today) she sat down and composed a letter to the manufacturer asking for updated photos to put in the frame.
//doesnt seem needed... anyway, avoid those time stamps like stepping into propellers.
Cherley.. the end of that sentence came as a big surprise and stopped me cold. really really sad.. i saw her siting there writing for a second or two.
good job.
thanks,
T |
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