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Between Us
I feel an intimacy
with distance,
if
that can happen.
Between you and the space between us
I love the space.
But without you,
it all comes closer;
(If we can trust a name so casual
as “it all,”
then this is
your rival).
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| Thanks for the comment. Yes, there is some space to the "if," isn't there? As for the "rival," the poem seems to be all about the first 3 stanzas. Maybe putting the last lines in parentheses was a subconscious hint to myself that I should cut them. I'll have to give it some thought. |
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Ah! I love a lot of this and how it plays with space. The first "if" seems off slightly, like you are missing a line. I know it is tied with the above line but with the line below starting with "Between", I keep wanting to read it with the line below. That is something to look at if you revise.
I'm not sure I get the rival message but I like this, something about really appeals to me. |
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