Smiled Smile Poetry Challenge
A smile
goes everywhere,
It’s never out of style,
can be a simper or a smirk.
Just smile.
Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
Okay smile alot.. I don't like the punctuation.. It could've been better. On the whole I like the poem
P.S try to use exclaimation marks..!! =) |
 |
Comment by: Cherley - 2008-02-27 11:33
|
|
Thanks Timothy but this time I like the simple word, goes; it seems to go with the poem. That's the one thing I and many others got from the instruction book, On Writing Well. I really like this poem and the fact of using the Noun Smile and the Verb smiled. I did look through your list of words and none of them seemed to fit.
I appreaciate your read. |
|
|
A smile
goes everywhere,
//very nice.. a smile moving everywhere.
there are an awful lot of cool, strong, visual words that can replace 'go'
pick one maybe.
actuate, advance, blow, budge, bustle, carry, change, climb, crawl, cross, depart, dislocate, disturb, drift, drive, exit, flow, fly, get away, get going, get off, glide, go, go away, head for, hurry, impel, jump, leap, leave, locomote, march, migrate, off-load, position, proceed, progress, propel, pull out, push, quit, relocate, remove, roll, run, scram, shift, ship, shove, skip out, split, stir, switch, take off, transfer, transport, transpose, travel, traverse, walk, withdraw
//flow, fly, skip, glide, drift
you can also look at syns for those too.
thesaurus.com
thanks, its a nice poem Cherley..
T |
|
Comment by: Cherley - 2008-02-26 05:42
|
|
Thanks for reading and your suggestions.
Punctuation. Okay. I saw that on the forum link, but didn't relate it to the poem. LOL Yep, I'd say, I'm pretty happy. |
 |
Comment by: alien - 2008-02-26 02:40
|
|
Firstly - punctuation?
Nice little poem - you're a very happy person, I can tell. All your poems are filled with positivity :)
I would have written A smile, rather than The smile for the first line but that's just my own opinion. |
| 1 |
|
