This is the list of one liners I'm building up. I'm only 18, so its contents are a little thin. I'm always thinking up new ones, so check back often. Hope I can make you laugh:



•• If I had a sushi restaurant, I’d call it “Green Lobster.”
• If Spiderman had a corporate job, he’d be a web designer.
• Se’ non puoi caprire questo, tu sei una cagna.
• The food pyramid is really a triangle.
• The Grinch had heart cancer.
• I can’t play the kazoo.
• Sentence fragments. Bad.
• Stuart Pidd was a smart man
• I have OCD. I have OCD. I have OCD
• My headphones have mono.
• Eddy Puss says, “My mom is hot.”
• I hate it when people use run-on sentences that just keep going on and on, and they don't ever stop, you know what I’m saying?
• This is not a democracy! You must vote.
• You know, they have sodium-free saltine crackers. What the hell?
• I ride a stationary unicycle.
• I’m the most modest person you ever saw! In fact, I’m more modest then you!!
• I don’t like to use contractions.
• The word “neologism” has Greek roots.
• Be vague!
• John 15:14
• Having a kid is something to shoot for, if you know what I mean…
• Say, I’m Hungary. Kenya give me a Turkey?
• I have a bulletproof convertible.
• Some people got bad grammar.
• It says “gullible” on your ceiling.
• Everybody generalizes.
• I think bad karma should punish the people dumb enough to do good deeds.
• I just had a Freudian tit… or, slip, rather.
• “That’s so cliché” is a cliché.
• Throw-22: when you’re never damned.
• The only thing better than Narcissism is myself.
• What’s the language of Norway? Norse code. What kinds of cars do they drive there? Fjords.
• When it comes to public speech, I'm up shit paddle without a creek.
• I hate incompitant spellers.
"Treat others as you wish to be treated." What if you're a masochist?

I also have some Chuck Norris jokes. I made them up myself, and if you see them elsewhere, I have a very old and dated slip of paper that can prove their originality.

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with Medusa.

Some say it's better to be safe than sorry. No, it's better to be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris kills people who write jo

Chuck Norris found the Missing Link. They now call it "the Dead Link."

Chuck Norris once won a game of Asteroids.

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