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Judy
Judy Hughes
United States, Texas, Fort Worth

Words: 1339
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Only Memories (Revised)

CHAPTER ONE

Anne sat on the park bench totally relaxed in the warmth of the sun watching the two girls playing on the swing. She allowed her mind to wander back to an earlier time.
Looking back on things, Anne is so happy to have been able to make the right choice. At least the right choice for her.
A few years ago things were very different for her.
Lost in thought, she remembered the big gray building and how she had to cross over the railroad tracks to get into the parking lot every morning. The time clock she punched everyday for eight years setting on the wall inside the double doors was probably still there.
Anne had been a production line supervisor for a company that built underground telephone equipment. The work area was like one giant room divided into many different departments. There were no windows in the warehouse and many days she didn't even know it had rained until she went outside or onto the shipping dock.
At twenty seven, she was an attractive, recently divorced woman with a two year old daughter.
She loved her job and most of the people she worked with. She was well liked by her employees. Her good friend Sandy also worked with her.
Sandy was a sweet girl and devoted friend but she was an insecure person and had a problem with Anne having other friends. She had never been married and still lived at home with her mother. Her favorite thing to do was eat and it showed. Anne was basically her only friend and Sandy didn't want to share her.
One particular day at work Anne had to go to the shipping dock to check on some equipment that needed to ship. She noticed the new guy immediately. Tall, broad shouldered, with soft brown eyes. He walked over to help her with the boxes and she read his name on his badge. Donald.
It didn't take long for Anne to realize that Donald was as charming as he was handsome.

CHAPTER TWO

Donald was glad the day was over and he could get away from work. It had been a long day for him and he was ready to unwind. He was happy about finally meeting the girl from the production line. He had been watching her for a couple of weeks. He asked around and found out from other coworkers that she was single. He wanted to talk to her but he had to be careful. He didn't know how she would feel about dating an ex con.
Luckily for him he was only in prison a little over a year, but he was still on probation. "Funny", he thought, "how I just threw it away and now I work on a shipping dock in a warehouse".
Memories came rushing back as drove himself home. Four years ago he was going to school to be a dentist and was working as a dental assistant. He was married to Rebecca. She was a pretty girl who liked to party. This inevitably led to Donalds downfall.
Drinking and getting high on weekends soon was not enough and Donald began stealing drugs from the doctor he worked for. It was just a matter of time and he was caught and prosecuted. He was sentenced to five years but only served eighteen months. During that time Rebecca found other sources and divorced him.
Unfortunately four months ago when he was released the first thing he wanted to do was get high. Getting high for Donald wasn't smoking pot. He was twenty nine years old and a hardcore heroin addict.
Donald put up a good front for everyone. By day he worked hard and was well liked by his coworkers.
The night was a different story. Almost every evening he was out scoring his drugs as soon as work was over. The path he was on was leading him to destruction. He couldn't keep up the pretense of being two different people forever.
Then there was the girl at work. He could tell she really liked him and if he played out everything just right he could get something going with her. That was his plan anyway. With his record he wasn't able to get the best paying job and with his habit there was never enough money. He was using more often now and his supplier was taking all his money. Getting together with Anne would give him the money he needed. He knew he would be able to charm her into believing anything he said.

CHAPTER THREE

At every opportunity Donald was flirting with Anne and asking her out.
Sandy did not like Donald. She warned Anne not to go out with him. There was just something about him she did not like or trust. And she told Anne she had heard rumours he had been in prison.
Anne shrugged off her friends warning and finally gave in to Donalds advances. They started dating and Donald treated her good. He made her feel special all the time, especially around their coworkers.
Anne was falling in love with him. She loved the simple bond they had formed. They would pick up Anne's daughter, Angie, and go to movies after work, out to dinner or sometimes just walk around the lake. Anne usually paid for everything when they went out. She knew she made more money than he did and she didn't really mind. She was just happy to be with him. Often they would leave Angie with her grandmother and go to Donald's apartment where they would cook dinner and make love. Anne never spent the night with him.
There were occasions, Anne noticed, when Donald seemed really tired and in his own world, Being naive about certain things, Anne didn't have a clue.
One night Donald was extremely attentive and told her he wanted to take their relationship further. Anne watched in amazement as he pulled a small plastic bag from his pocket. He turned to her and said, "if you really love me you will 'get down' with me just once.
She sat on the side of the bed stunned as she watched him "cook" his drugs in a spoon amd pull it into a syringe. He reached for her hand, and tied his belt tightly around her arm. She just sat ther thinking, "I really do love him. I don't want to lose him. One time won't hurt me.
Donald took the heroin filled syringe and stuck it in the vein in the top of her hand. She watched as he pulled back on the plunger. "Oh I missed the vein", he said. "No register, no blood. I gotta stick you again". Anne just sat ther frozen. She winced as she felt the needle pierce her skin and as she saw the blood come into the syringe she jerked her hand away. "No", she shouted at him. "I won't do this. Not even for you. Get it away from me. I'm leaving". As she ran out the door she heard Donald say, "I guess I'll just have to do yours and mine. Can't waste it".
Crying, she ran to her car and drove away. Once she was at home she really thought about the huge mistake she almost made. She also realized that having attention showered upon you doesn't make it love.
Her decision was made. It hurt but she knew she would survive, literally.
Donald never came back to work and Anne never saw him again. He couldn't face her knowing she knew the truth about him and was not willing to be a part of his lifestyle.
Now, years later and married to a wonderful man, Anne watches her children play and has no regrets. Only memories

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Comments  
mattarnold Comment by: mattarnold Online- 2008-03-02 02:36
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enganging story. I felt that it moved too fast, though. This would make a good outline for an entire book where this story, rather than 1400 words is 50,000+. Give it some thought. Alot of good elements there. Or perhaps just bulking it up a little with some extra detail/description to slow it down a little would preserve it as a short flash back piece. I guess I'm complimenting you in that it is a good story and I'd like to know way more of it. Check out my short stories and let me know what you think....m
KennyOrtiz Comment by: KennyOrtiz - 2008-03-01 14:48
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A large problem, with short stories, is people rely on the end to make it something worth reading. Now - let me explain, and sorry if this becomes a bit long.
Short Stories, the inbreed bastard of kids stories, flash fiction, and pamphlet novellas. I remember reading short stories in school and how embracing some were. Some I will never forget. Like 'Most Dangerous Game'. Let's take these epic short stories for a ride.
These stories were embracing from basically the third paragraph and all the way through, you desired to know more, see what was next. That is the purpose with anything that is art, especially writing, right?
These days, that embracing field is completely anulled.
This is the perfect example of the imperfect.
A story that started off weak, had little aesthetic notions, but the end made it 'worth reading'. So as a par writer, yes, you accomplished your job.
But 'par writer' is an oxymoron, isn't it? A writer should be extraordinary, always wanting their work to be outstanding. And the potential of this ending in no means should stop the body and beginning to be proportional to the aligned brilliance of the ending.
Also, huge pet peeve, chapters. No need for them. Chapters to me have no real presence, but to be a notice to readers that 'this is a good spot to stop reading and take a rest'. Unless you're a suspense novel or Goosebumps, then you stop and do a chapter at a critical part. In short stories, it's almost never needed.

Grammatical and spelling errors, they are easy to find.

The story is good, not my thing, but I can imagine many can relate to at least one thing on there. Being a 'non-drug user' I wasn't able to really relate. If it involved drinking alot, then sure, who can't.
Your age also - not sure how old you are, but perhaps that enters a certain amount of distinction towards how this was written.
I would suggest, going every thread of word and thinking on each and asking yourself, how can I make this make the reader want to finish my story.

How would I suggest that?
Don't explain uneccesary. Sandy is almost a useless character, either make her work for her spot in the words, or kick her out. Explain more about Anne, what does she look like, was she worth the story, was she a hot blonde, busty brunette, sex sells - trust me.
What about donald, we have no clue what his hair looks like. You are telling a tale only Anne knows. You have to tell us now, make me wanna read it, make us wanna know why Anne is even thinking about Donald, why was that part so important to her. Build Anne.

[Thusly we come to the definition of Flash Fiction. FF is a piece without building, and just throwing us into the field. Whilst short stories require building]. So much potential in such a small issue, now make it grand. Good luck.
meganxkathleen Comment by: meganxkathleen - 2008-03-01 06:26
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The grammar needs some editing, but overrall it was a good story with a good ending.
LocustsCoatRack Comment by: LocustsCoatRack - 2008-02-28 08:19
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Not bad. You need to pay close attention while editing, and it's obvious you know about drugs, but the imagery is still a little weak, especially during "chapter 2." All over, though, a well crafted story.
Mirozi Comment by: Mirozi - 2008-02-28 07:11
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Wow Judy I thought this story was great. Seriously, you had me hooked and wanted to read more and more about what was going to happen next.

I am so glad that this girl had the sense to walk away and not do the drugs with this guy. I am sure a lot of addicts also thought they just do it once. Now there's no turning back.

Great work!
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