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TuckerWhite
TuckerWhite
United States, CA

Words: 59
Access: Public
Comments: 10

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Before Wood

Watching a machine
rip open earth,
searching for a new home,
moving existing planets.

Rape layer after layer,
exposing lives, limbs,
reacting, reaching,
scurrying.

Dialing black rings, circular
mustard yellow Caterpillars
crawl over worms,
feeding.

Moving them here,
shove them there,
they'll be better suited
than where they came.

Observing a crime,
change worlds,
centering our souls,
Anew.

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Comments  
Comment by: - 2006-03-04 05:58
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very well written i like it
ladytwigliot Comment by: ladytwigliot - 2006-02-24 17:52
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There is an interesting thing that happens here and I wasnt sure what it really was untill you said that you are "observing a crime." that line. Wow. I am really envious on how your environment shapes your work.
I am sorry I have been neglecting not only your work, but the website. Aye. As soon as I get caught up enough with homework I'll be back.
waxseal Comment by: waxseal - 2006-02-24 12:07
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Hey there - thanks for the email by the way - but back to this poem -
Ever see the movie Medicine Man? With Sean Connery? Pretty good flick really, this poem made me think of it. I like the way it changed - going from being very against any type of modernization and then the inevitable acceptance of progress - And i liked big machinery as worms over the ground.
Again though - adn I think that your poetry is really great Tucker, I really do - I think that sometimes you hit us over the head with what you want us to get out of it - which is fine - but my head's starting to get lumpy:-) Maybe jsut a *tish less obviousness (- is that a word? You could always give up poetry to write nonsense words like I seem to have done;-)
Comment by: - 2006-02-24 00:52
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This is a damn good poem. The third verse is spot on. I thought it was about the rape of the environment. However it could be about a personal experience. I love a bit of obscurity.
Comment by: - 2006-02-23 22:11
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I think you are doing interesting word experiments. The problem with this poem is that you have transmuted every image into another; if you were to include just one or two straightforward images, then I would understand what your more fanciful images were supposed to represent.

About your ing's: try rewriting the entire poem without them, and see if it works better that way. "Ing" verbs connote passive tense and are generally weaker than active tense.

Don't get down on yourself. I see improvement in every poem you post and you do things your own way; this will pay off over time.
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By TuckerWhite

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