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Finishing Touch
She cat-walked into the room, hitched up her skirt and settled onto the vacant barstool.
Grown men groaned with desire, grown women growled with jealousy. They watched in silent stupor as she leaned her head back and applied the slick, pink gloss over full, flirtatious lips. A prosaic act became a passionate performance.
She smiled, blew a kiss they wished they could catch – but her husband always stood in their way.
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-03-28 14:51
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Dylan, Danny - thanks, guys - and sorry for taking so long to respond.
Cheers
karen |
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alas, poetry taken from the masses
nice |
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| The sexuality in the first sentence is fantastic. Makes me want to be that barstool. Her actions are great but I want them to change someone. While the readers can be surprised by the appearance of the husband at the end, the characters in the story seem unchanged. |
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-03-01 13:46
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Thanks folks.
Grae - yep, I'll change that to 'tilted'.
Janyce - I didn't mean cat walk in teh sense of a stage. I hyphenated the words to imply 'walking like a cat'.
For those who don't like the alliteration of all those 'gro' sounds (and I completely understand why) - if you say the sentence aloud, you have to pout - it was just an attempt at bringing the lipstick application into mind. Has worked for some, not for others - but I'll leave it as it is for the moment.
Thanks again, everyone - much appreciated.
Cheers
Karen |
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| I like it with or without Grown. It's a cool play on words - Grown men groan. Love it. Sounds very realistic other than the obvious--can't be in a bar unless you're grown--or at least it should be so. Nice story, Karen. Great description. |
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"Wonderful World of Worders"
A collection of micro-fiction by 72 writers, from 27 countries, compiled by Jenni Doherty, published by Guildhall Press with support from the Arts Council of Northern Ireland.
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