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Office
He slopes around the office
Dragging foot behind
Chin welded to his shoulders
Lumps protruding from his spine
Two spindly arms affront
Skin torn, blotched and grey
Squint bloodshot eyes sit bulging
Passers shifting from his way
By the cooler, gulps down water
To sooth his peeling throat
He puts raw mind to paper
And on his desk is left a note
At five he hunches from the office
And shivers to his home
Where he sits in flickering blue light
Watching tv on his own
At nine they file in
Laughing tales of the night
‘Till they walk in dripping fluid
Off a body hanging from the light
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| I felt it was very dark but found the ending unexpected. The person in the poem drew out my sympathy even before he took his own life. Well written anyway, felt the darkness and hopelessness through the words you used. |
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2008-04-17 12:47
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| I was looking for real invention on a topic that has been done and done. For me, it only came from the final two lines which were interesting so far as I had to try and figure them out. The previous lines didnt feel original or new, although I liked the animal inflections, as I know you do feel like an animal/zombie at times in an office. Maybe reconsider your title as the final two stanzas aren't about the office, and for me, with the suicide at the end, the poem itself is not about being a zombie at the office. It's about the zombie's emotions. With this I think you could be more subtle. In conclusion, it was interesting and i could sympathise, but it felt unexplored, like it could do more. |
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