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366
366
Intercalary fix
This notion of time, the world unwind
To redeem one mind
Doomsday Existence is sublime
Who can see the fall
Where the leap Meant no time at all
Solar Gregorian Kant
Who cares for teleological dissent
Eleven days we aged by Christian rent
Mathematical noumenon
I relent
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366
(Intercalary) fix
//loooong way to go for leap year.
had to look it up.
Doomsday Existence (is) sublime
//missed opportunity for a verb maybe.
Solar Gregorian Kant
//over my head.
Who cares for (teleological) dissent
//i see some good simple syns for that.
had to look it up.
Eleven days we aged by Christian rent
//ultra cool..
Mathematical (noumenon)
//looked that up and still dont know what it means.. haha.
this poem doesnt work for me.
besides the looker uppers, which brings it to a screeching halt, the rest of suffers from so so word choice.
thanks
T |
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Muhammad, thank you for reading my poem. I congratulate you on getting involved in writing at such an important age. To me, the more you read, the better you will get.
Poetry is art and the creator can use formal aesthetics or the lack of them to evoke a feeling and/or interpretation intended by the writer. In my piece 366 stands for the number of days in a year when we have a leap year. Instead of 365 there are 366. Do some research on why we have a leap year, look up some of the words in the piece that you do not understand, and then re-read the poem. My piece is intended to be sarcastic, to mock the religious establishment that created it. It’s just my take. The fun is in the interpretation that comes in many different ways based on what the reader is feeling, living, believing at the time they read it. Keep up the good work. Heidi |
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| There's no punctuation.. none at all, that's bad. Instead of 366 use three hundred and sixty six. It looks better.. |
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