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Lightweight
The porcelain mocks me
"Lightweight," it says
I cannot argue the claim
The porcelain knows all
I make the offering
The vomit, the bile, the beer
It’s all I have to give
The porcelain accepts
But demands more
I give again and again
But it’s never enough
I cannot satiate the porcelain
My master, my teacher
The sick will kill me
I know it
I cannot do this, will not
But I do, I have to
It will end soon
Soon I’ll be…
I wake up on the floor.
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| sweet. Hangover poetry is important. I like the idea that the toilet is demanding tribute. Making the image of 'porcelain god' without saying it. The third line of the first three stanzas could be used for better images of you trying and failing. I'm into the structure and the fact that those three lines are sort of a situation report, but I would like instead of "I cannot argue the claim" something like "I try to argue the claim." Then I get a picture of you talking to the toilet. If you are trying to say that you can't even get that out, say something that makes me see you at the toilet, unable to get out your argument. |
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| Good ending. Interesting subject matter. Love the line, “The sick will kill me”. |
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