Trial Of Conviction - Naga Uta Challenge
”I am a person.”
No, you are just an object.
“I could be someone.”
Nothing will come from nothing.
“There is hope for me.”
Your destiny has been set.
“I must not give in.”
It will make no difference.
“My life can’t worsen.”
You may well become abject.
“I need from no-one.”
We all have need of something.
“Just you wait and see.”
I have not been beaten yet.
“I know I shall win.”
You have foolish confidence.
“But God is with me.”
You are on your own, you‘ll see.
“He is by my side.”
There’s just you and mawkish pride.
ACTUALLY, THE BOY IS RIGHT.
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Thank you all for your comments on this work, I do appreciate your thoughts and comments.
As with any argument there are sides to consider. But it is rare that an agreement can be made between two such radically opposing forces as positive and negative (or good and evil; right and wrong; chaos and order etc.).
The referee in this case is God.
This is just a little scenario that seemed to work for me. If in life our faith and the values that we pinned our hopes on were shown to be the right ones, then how relieved would that make us feel?
It arose from the structure, but felt to me to be relevant to any belief system (God, Allah, Zen, and so on.
Grae:)
PS - sorry, Rosie - forgot to thank you for the 'internal demons'. I think that all demons are internal, whether internal to individuals, or internal to faiths, or internal to nations. If you believe in God figures, how can you not believe in demon figures. But they are both inside us. If you don't believe in them, then you make up your own internal conflicts.
G.
PPS - I agree with you, Rosie, about the choppy nature of my using a dialogue here. I feel it has lessened the appeal of the form and I should have been more constructive with the possible flow from line to line (which there isn't). I don't feel this really works as a Naga Uta or catches its flavour, but does work as a stand alone dialogue.
G. |
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Grae, I read this days ago and have just come back to it. I'm being really dense, because I don't understand who's saying, 'Actually, the boy is right' at the end.
I took the whole thing to be a debate between internal demons - self-confidence versus self-doubt, that kind of thing. Am I right, or is it a religious affair that's gone right over my head as these things do?
Oh - is it God talking at the end? You see, the minute things hint at religion, I'm out of my depth.
Anyway, I enjoyed this dialogue, internal or not, and thought it an original way to approach the naga uta. Not that I knew anything about naga uta before this challenge!
I suppose it's only fair to state the obvious: the use of dialogue interrupts the flow and makes the poem choppy, so that the strict syllable count becomes a bit irrelevant. It doesn't matter - just an observation. Hmm. Interesting stuff. |
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Comment by: Mick - 2008-03-15 03:23
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| To think of it... Nothing is really something and something always comes from nothing... IMO. A little too gospel for my likes but overall a good read. :) |
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| Nice work, Grae. I'm impressed. I, too, am unfamiliar with the form. Trying to learn new things. Good luck. Janet |
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Comment by: frees340 Online- 2008-03-08 09:13
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I love this rhyme scheme at the end. I also like this poem. Its going in the library.
I have a piece similar to this. I think i uploaded it...whatever.
“My life can’t worsen.”
Change it to "my life can't get worse." I know its cliche, but it sounds better and has the same syllable count.
Also, you forgot a period. Have fun looking for it!
Good work. |
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