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Me in the world
Me in the world
Where do I stand?
Struggling to stay alive
Trying to keep up with life
Duties and demands
Obligations and errands
Me about this world
What do I see?
The world is breathing heavily
Nature facing our insanity
Faster, bigger, higher,
more for me and less for you
Materialism dictates life’s value
Me beyond this world
Is there more than what I see?
In the still of the night
I have nothing to hide
As I look at the dark skies
I am wishing on a star
Tell me help is not too far
I am the world
What more can I say?
Life is what I allow it to be
Living for others or living for me
As I was racing through the night
I found something that makes me whole
My inner compass, my guide, my soul.
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I enjoyed the progression of this poem. My favorite stanza was the one starting with "Me beyond this world," especially "In the still of the night
I have nothing to hide." |
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| You have a point, Orpheus. Poems are delicate and if you tinker in a different frame of mind you can lose the plot entirely. I found this problem word processing old travel journals. So many "bad" things in that like finding everythig "amazing", but I left as much in as I could be preserve the footprint of my younger self. And Danahfaren of course you're right about the matter of taste. Ultimately the best critic of your work is yourself. I've heard the work of a critic is to point out to a writer what he/she already knows. A poet has to follow his/her own star, his/her own taste. |
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Hi, Nicole, I'm not equipped to discuss poetry in any depth, not with any intelligence anyway! lol I can tell you that I enjoyed reading this piece and value the sentiments in it.
My suggestion is remove the word ‘what’ in the second line of the third stanza, a tiny thing.
I think it’s wonderful that you found a piece you wrote so long ago. It's a window to who you were then. |
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Thanks for that Orpheus. It kinda gets at what I was thinking as I was considering rewriting this one. I have rewritten a few things where I felt I wanted to but somehow it stands for me at a certain time in life and that is some 10 to 15 years ago, so that is that. Also, I don't feel what I felt at the time (though I remember that moment in my life clearly). It would take away the honesty of the piece as it is now.
Also, as far as what English poetry is about and whether to go for rhymes and verses in a classical sense or not, I have seen all types of poetry in English and in a way, though John's comment is very much appreciated, I believe it is all a question of taste in a way, too. |
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Comment by: - 2008-03-07 02:29
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| One of the dangers of digging through old poetry is that we realise how far we have progressed as individuals. there is no such thing as stasis. At the time, i bet this made sense, and it felt like something one should keep. the feeling has long passed and if you tinker with it now then you may change the meaning and create a distorted sense of emotion in the poem. as it is, it is an honest quest for the source of meaning, purpose and value. Sometimes I think that we forget that we do not jsut live for ourselves, but for others too so the purpose of the poem is relevant. too many of us live just for ourselves and this turns others into instruments, means to ends. there is a sensitivity here that i think many people lose as they get older, selfish and less idealistic or harden their hearts to the reality of allowing oneself to love even though one may be hurt, i think to love without fear. leave this poem as is. perhaps use it as a template for a new poem. |
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