Again?!

She thought to herself. She had promised to herself she wouldn’t let him have the power anymore. Things had been perfect, which is how it was supposed to be. How did it end up this way? They had always loved each other. The first time she saw his beautiful blue eyes they went deep into her soul, into her heart. He was the one.

They were always there for each other everyday. Confiding their deepest secrets and fears knowing it was safe. The only time she ever felt safe, even after 6 years, was in his arms. She knew nothing and nobody could ever hurt her when she was with him, except him. That was what terrified her the most. So many times she saw girls break his heart and she helped pick up the pieces every time, she loved him too much to let herself do that to him.

Like most great friends they drifted apart, not by choice but by life. She thought about him all the time though. Then one day life brought them back together and it was like they had never been apart. Months went by with phone calls lasting into the sunrise of every new morning, it was exactly how she had always dreamt and imagined. True love was the best feeling. She finally told him she had always loved him and still did. He was in awe. All the time she wasted could have been spent by his side. He still loved her.

She had heard stories about how he had changed. He wasn’t always the nice person everyone had grown up with and loved. Sometimes he was a mean, deceptive and manipulating person. His life had been full of pain, hurt and challenges most people couldn’t even try to image. She could and did; they had a lot in common. Most people didn’t know of his pain, let alone understand it. She always knew he had that side of him but he never showed it to her. Their first embrace after 3 years was exactly how she had remembered. The feeling of love, safety and warmth flooded her every sensation.

She soon learned after a couple of weeks together that he had indeed changed. He was so focused on everyone and what they thought that he was willing to loose her for them. He pushed her away so hard and so fast she didn’t know what had happened. Then she saw the side of him she never wanted to. The side she had been warned about. He told her he never loved her. She was an accomplishment of his so he could brag. Her heart had been broken a few times before this but nobody had the place in her heart like he did. She was in pieces. She is always so strong, which is why everyone looks to her for guidance and advice but this time she couldn’t be. She left and flew home. Every night she cried hot burning tears until the dawn of a new day hoping that at the end of every bottle would ease the pain. Instead it brought pain to all the other areas of her life. 5 months passed, the pain was tolerable now. She wished she could make it go away. This was now her everyday pain.

He didn’t disappeared from her life. A few short emails from him asking how she was were rarely answered. She was waiting for the day he realized he didn’t care what other people thought, he loved her and that’s all that mattered. Time went by, it had almost been a year since she had seen him and they still had their few short emails every few months. She still thought about him everyday and hoping his new girl knew how lucky she was.

Then it happened. One day in March she signed on and her heart jumped when the inbox showed a message from him. Maybe this is the letter, he left her and he wants us to be together, she thought. It read, “Guess what love? I'm getting married!!!! I'm engaged now! How have you been? Anyways just wanted to say hi and share some good news! Chao.”

Her heart shattered all over. Again.



-Today is but yesterdays future.

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