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To My Mother and Father, Divorced
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To My Mother and Father, Divorced
I am leaving now.
Mom, I will miss your laughter.
Father, save council
For I’m off to find myself.
At a scarred door, knob-
bled seeds and cores in my gut
sit griping, upset
they never could digest—but
some things are not meant for change.
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| This poem reminded me of that time in my life when I also left the nest--but for me that road led to Vietnam and I took a road less traveled by to reach the spot I'm at now. |
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Comment by: Dante - 2008-03-30 20:03
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You have created a very emotional scene in such few and simple words. For me, that is the beauty of this piece.
After reading this poem a number of times, the second stanza really stands out as the core and meat of this poem. You let us into the door, which was the gateway to a different life and the scars, which could only be seen from within. You let us into this very personal moment without giving too much away.
Thanks for sharing, Dante. |
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Well, I am a fan of your work anyway, but this deals with such strong issues and emotions, that a stronger word choice would ruin it, for me anyway. I mean, the rawness is in its simplicity.
I thought this was really powerful. The 'scarred door' suggests so much violence, while 'knobbled seeds' is a wonderful phrase, bringing in the unease and unhappiness of the home life without spelling it out. |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-03-11 03:11
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As George Orwell said, "never use a long word when a short one will do."
This poem shows that this is advice worth following, I think. ;) |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-03-11 03:08
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For once, I disagree with Boon (and think, maybe for the first time, that he was a little too harsh).
I know you've heard of a thesaurus, but I doubt whether there could be much improvement in this whether you threw one at it or not.
The reason this works is because it's so down to earth and real. A subject like this could hardly be expressed by using cleverer words. It would block the message. The language you've used speaks from the 'core' of the emotion and in terms that none can fail to understand.
I, for one, love this. Good work :) |
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