Deja Vu -- Challenge 28
Danny stared at the clock. He turned slowly, taking in the whole room. Pretty much everything looked familiar. But how had it got here?
He walked out into the hallway and then through the dining room and up the stairs, examining the carpets, the pictures, the rugs and lampshades -- even the door handles. It was like a graveyard of belongings, in which all the objects he'd ever known had come together to die. Except that they weren't doing any dying -- they seemed to be in very good condition and were clearly being used on a daily basis. Danny sank down to the floor and tried to sift through all the logical explanations.
By the time she joined him upstairs, he had finished sifting and was left with only the husks of possibilities.
'What is it, Danny, love? Why are you sitting up here on your own?'
He steeled himself. 'Nan...'
'Yes, love?'
'How long have you been stealing from all my friends?'
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Sorry, Bill, Anna, Jane, Janet and Karen, not to have returned to this myself a bit sooner, after you'd all been kind enough to comment! Thanks, though. Your comments are always much appreciated.
Anna: the narrator is a grown-up, not a child - I hope I haven't had everyone thinking it's a child talking. Hmm. Not sure what to do about that one.
Janet: I'm British, so I'm going to go with that as my excuse for why that phrase sounds strange to your ears! 'gotten' certainly wouldn't work over here! |
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-03-22 14:48
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A very odd Wee Story indeed, Rosie. I'm left wondering if Nan really is a thief, and that last line is a 'laugh' moment, or if Danny has lost the plot.
No crits that I can see - I have a feeling I'll be coming back to this one.
Cheers
Karen |
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Comment by: jane - 2008-03-10 20:33
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mmm...didn't quite connect with begin and the end....i think because the 'stolen' items would not have been those mentioned
clever idea...clever twist
jx |
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| Love the story, Rosie, but question the following: "But how had it got here?" Sounds strange. "But how did it get here?" or "But how had it gotten here?" Is it a typo or am I just losing my mind. Janet |
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Ha, I had no idea what was going on here or where it would end. That's what's great. I have many questions. I love that a piece leaves me asking question and considering possibilities in a world that doesn't exist.
Only niggle is would a child/person ask such a question so directly? Especially with nine words left. lol
A very good read. |
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