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Bucho
Bucho .
United States, KS, Lenexa

Words: 497
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Displacement

The wind won the battle against his exhalations, sending cigarette ash directly into his eye. The balcony, three floors up and barely big enough to pace several steps, had a clear view of the pool below and he watched the noiseless skinny dippers in silence. Had they cared (or been paying attention), the trail of dissipating smoke from the edifice above would’ve made them titter and giggle at the fact that someone knew. Instead, they swam birth-naked and free, unconcerned and simply assumed they were being watched. Had it been a year earlier, he might’ve joined them, but he was content to return to his new wife. Her gently distended belly had caught them by surprise, forcing the wedding to come earlier so she could still fit in her dress.

Other than the starlight cascading through the window, the room was dark. She had asked him to leave the lights off as he ventured outside and he had obliged, stumbling over his dress shoes and tuxedo pants in post-coital exhaustion. The cheap sheets were warm against her toes and she could see him squatting on the balcony, naked in the sweltering midnight air. The new ring felt tight around her finger, but she refused to remove it the way he refused to remove his. Each ring kissed the other’s bare palm as lips explored lips and legs became entangled, slippery with sex-sweat. She rubbed her belly absent-mindedly and smiled as he came back in, lifting the sheets and coiling himself up within her again before crashing into a wall of subconscious thoughts and snoring.

The two couples floated through the warm blue liquid, a fetal feeling of weightlessness and nude surrounding them as the moon played voyeur. The lights at the bottom of the pool had been turned off for hours, emanating a seductive appeal as they arrived home from the bar. They hadn’t bothered to stop by their rooms to change, just a hop across the fence and the quick release of belts and quiet unzips were muffled by the suppressed giggles. They all agreed to slide into the water, letting it swallow them slowly so as not to make any noise. A chance like this was rare and should be stretched out into forever whenever possible.

The brunette girl had noticed the smoke from the balcony above somehow. Whoever was watching was on a high floor and had she blinked, the exhalation would’ve been missed. She decided to give the smoker a show by climbing out of the pool, pulling her hair back and exposing her bare chest to the moon’s waning glow as it caressed her in ways her boyfriend would never figure out. She sneaked a glance back up to the balcony, but the smoke had disappeared and she couldn’t even be sure it was the right one anyway. No smoke, no show. ‘Sad, really,’ she thought. A captive audience was nice every once in awhile.

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Comments  
nadinesellers Comment by: nadinesellers - 2008-03-31 18:16
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the consummate dreamer as always..only one place dipped softly.

emanating seductive appeal as they--this sentence leaves me thinking, while the whole of the story induces feeling.
if the lights were turned off, the active component left is the semi obscurity. so, could you rephrase? they were seduced by the soft anonymity of the --??
Belle Astell Comment by: Belle Astell - 2008-03-20 08:15
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This flows like a gentle rolling wave. Thank you for sharing it with us.
sunshine Comment by: sunshine - 2008-03-15 11:06
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Love how you slideseamlessly between all the different characters; together, and separate, lives intersecting for brief moments. I think you're missing commas here and there (I remember noticing, but now I can't find an example), and I would print it out and read it for grammar errors.

Maybe add one line about the brunette's boyfriend. Not from his perspective or anything, just something to show us that he's there with her, other than refering to the skinny dippers as "couples".

I love how you talk about these people's faults, histories, problems, in so few words, without ever really saying them. "A captive audience was nice every once in awhile." "caressed her in ways her boyfriend would never figure out" "Had it been a year earlier, he might’ve joined them, but he was content to return to his new wife." are great.

The only line I really stumbled over the first time i read it, and then again on my re-read, is "simply assumed they were being watched." It sounds alightly awkward and unclear. Maybe work on that one a bit.

Overall, beautiful, luminescent piece of prose.
lancslass Comment by: lancslass - 2008-03-13 21:24
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Most everything I read of yours had a lovely dreamy quality to it. This one no exception.
'bare chest' on a girl sounds a bit wrong. Bare breasts sounds better to me.
I love the line: 'as it caressed her in ways her boyfriend would never figure out'
A very pleasing read, left me smiling
abitosunshine Comment by: abitosunshine - 2008-03-11 09:41
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Instead of "exposing her bare chest" I would have liked "exposing her bare bosom" or even bountiful bosom.

All in all a delightful read. I've been the voyeur and the dipper at one time or another in my life.
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By Bucho

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