writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
aprilmayed
April Michelle Bratten
United States, North Dakota, Minot

Words: 171
Access: Public
Comments: 9

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Glow

I lose my will in the winter,
like a lone flake melting against skin.

Too many men have frosted my windows
but I (needed them, I) wanted their slick ice.

When it was too cold to snow,
I would draw daisies in their hot air and smoke.

I let them leave, smoldering, holding onto their confining rays of sunshine.

"There are no more stars,"
he said to me,
"only steam rising from empty mouths."

I was beauty, I was, I was,
and I was even made for another evening,

but Dear,
I was never in love.

There is no winter where you are, no tears where you are,
only more gray light to dance the echoes of your face.

Now the salt of my legs dries in streams,
and the snow lingers to chill me,

but I will thaw, I will thaw, I will thaw.

And when it is over,
you will still be that man,
and I, still this woman,
wrapped, kept still
in your nothing.

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
Jorbian Comment by: Jorbian Online- 2008-05-07 20:09
Add to Readers
      
You are a master! Your work is golden. This is golden. I say this far more often then I should, but this is like a golden jewel floating in a sea of garbage. Smashing. Simply smashing.

It is rare to find things like this in post-modernism. Addressing people even like you, who have not yet earned the place they deserve in history, I dare not to attempt to call myself a poet.
ac7904 Comment by: ac7904 - 2008-04-19 18:25
Add to Readers
      
This swept me away. I am sometimes torn about the effect of repetition, but here its emotive quality was absolutely lovely. "but I will thaw, I will thaw, I will thaw."
I've connected deeply to this. Thank you!

I have also recently discovered Plath in a new way...I sense her influence here.
nadinesellers Comment by: nadinesellers - 2008-04-06 20:11
Add to Readers
      
this one keeps the reader on a loop, reading and re-reading.
i would remove the parenthesis, only use a comma to slow the voice there.
and prune --wrapped-- out of last part. maybe move the word elsewhere as i believe it fitting, even necessary somewhere.
the surges of intense emotion manage to be heady and visceral, connecting through. i was, i was, i was, i will thaw, i will..i wil...
Stephie Comment by: Stephie - 2008-04-05 01:36
Add to Readers
      
I am debating as to whether or not THIS is my favorite April poem of all time.....ahh,but then you will write a new one tomorrow, and that will be my favorite.

" was beauty, I was, I was,
and I was even made for another evening,

but Dear,
I was never in love."

Those lines.....are so simple, yet so extraordinary. The same can be said for the poem in its entirety.
aprilmayed Comment by: aprilmayed - 2008-03-25 13:30
Add to Readers
      
What about "kept"?

It's not very helpful to get a one word reply.
1 2 Next

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

Dakota, Jorbian (Online)
1

By aprilmayed

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S