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Unblemished Lamb
A young girl is scattering rose petals by the handful down the steps of St. Anthony's. At the bottom, several guests converse amongst themselves with anticipation and delight as they wait for the recession. It is late afternoon. The outer walls and windows of the parish are stained by a warm copper glow. No one notices the man with the rifle across the street. A single shot is muffled by the cheers of joy when streamers and rice are thrown into the air. The bride smiles and waves, as dark red petals bloom across her ivory dress.
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Comment by: Lazarus - 2008-03-11 14:44
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Thank you.
Recession: 3. a withdrawing procession, as at the end of a religious service.
Searching drabble. Searching Adrian Monk. |
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Comment by: rosiewolf Online- 2008-03-11 14:31
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You are two words away from a perfect drabble!
Good focus and efficiency of language here. I think you meant "reception" rather than "recession"--though we are all waiting for the recession, if, indeed it has not already arrived. Your plotting is good here for a flash, though there are different theories about the role of plotting in flashes. I like firm flash plots, but they definitely aren't necessary in this form.
I like the restraints you've used here, too. If you added a 17 syllable haiku at the end--you'd have a nice haibun.
Good flash! But I'd make it an even drabble 'cause I'm all Adrian Monk that way. |
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