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I, The Woman. (Attempt at Ekphrasis: Alien Poetry Challenge#19)
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I, The Woman. (Attempt at Ekphrasis: Alien Poetry Challenge#19)
Love me
celebrate me
hate me
condemn me
envy me
imitate me
fight me
resist me
but do
acknowledge me and
not neglect me.
I have a Voice
am not just a thing of wow
I have a Cry
am not just your tow
I have a Mind
not just a sham show
I have an Existence
not a mere shadow.
http://www.underconsideration.com/speakup/archives/list_women_10-NationalGeo-6-85.jpg
or
http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/390/afghangirlhp7.jpg
An Ode to the Deprived Women of the World.
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Thanks Champagne.
When June was speaking of "I, the woman", it was not about June, but the hapless, identityless, famished Afghan girl of tender age. She spoke to the world in her language. June was nowhere there.
Thanks Champagne for appreciating it.
My best,
June. |
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Comment by: champagne Online- 2008-07-07 19:45
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Hi June, I think in the case of an illustrated poem the image is allowed to have a voice in the poem, without both in balance it wouldn't be a very good creation, IMO anyway. I just reread an article about ekphrasis and I think I may have been a bit literal as far as where the poem is supposed to take the artwork. I've thought the purpose of the poem was to get into the actual creation of the art via the artists' head. My mistake.
With that acknowledged I feel more comfortable in recognizing the ties between your poem and the photo. You'll have to excuse my edit though, I'm all for smoothing poetry rather than (mostly) sharpening edges. Your version is your vision and I like it, a lot, too. |
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Champagne, Thanks for a serious critique.
1.You've questioned if any Male artist may have these ideas running through his head.
There are good people like Steve Mccurry who has done his terrific job.
2.You said, "you seem to fit yourself into the subject's head rather than the photographer (maybe?)."
Honestly, 'I' never wrote for her or anyone.
'She' tried saying these things to me in her own crude way and I reproduced it the same. I just saw to it that it doesn't get embellished and processed like a seasoned poet.
3.As far as the Ekphrastic creation is questioned, well the photographer was a medium through which I reached the subject and hence it was my interpretation and not the photographer's.
4. Your edited lines were fabulous and pleasant reading yet removed from the stark reality.
My question: Should the poet impose herself upon the subject or let the subject speak for itself?
Regards,
June. |
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Comment by: champagne Online- 2008-07-07 14:59
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http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/390/afghangirlhp7.jpg paste this url into your address bar and keep the images open beside the poem, read and look at it all together.
I like the rhythm and floe ;) of this poem as you wrote it although when I edited for consistent end rhyme placement and to cut a few of the repetitious "mes" out, I found it was easier to read around the eye/ear rhyme bumps in the last strophe. Good poem but I'm not sure the ekphrastic part of the exercise met with success; you seem to fit yourself into the subject's head rather than the photographer (maybe?). On a second read I can see where a male artist may have these ideas running through his head but still find my credulity stretched a bit. I liked the poem and the photo though, even if it's not 100% ekphrastically perfect, it's still a very good marriage of word and image.
Love
me and Celebrate
condemn
me. Don't Hate
me, envy
and Imitate
me fight and resist me
do acknowledge
and do not neglect me.
I just experimented with the line breaks and wondered if you do similar editing tests when you write. Usually, I'll break a poem a few times or mess with enjambment before settling on a pattern. I'll pull this out of my comment if you really hate it being here.
Thanks for sharing your vision with us and allowing me to add my comments to your work. |
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Thanks Juan2 that you liked the poem.
I have explained regarding the Wow and the Tow lines. I could've done without it as well, but I wanted to convey the said meanings. I really don't feel like revising it. Yes, repitition of 'me' reveals the despair of the woman lacking a voice.
Regards,
June. |
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