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Over Exposure, Wee Challenge 29
Stick thin models create a final montage. Then break, to stand inclining like saplings in a grove. The auditorium erupts. Hands clap joyful applause.
“Bravo!”
Designer bows are taken. Hugs shared.
The Quentin Darling Spring Collection had stalked the catwalk like a tigress.
Suited in white, Sable cape flung across one shoulder, the Master awaits accolades. They arrive. Fly past him and land on Roberto Francisco Benelini.
Benelini designs floated. They levitated -bathed the catwalk in light. Buyers gasped.
Benelini bows and scrapes. Kisses fly. Triumph waves in his hand.
Quentin Darling splutters. “This is not possible. My collection is the pinnacle. Mine! Benelini... pah, Benelini is an upstart. I have the vision. I am the genius.” Rage shines in his bootblack eyes.
Backs turn.
Quentin runs at Benelini, cape flying. Pink lipstick mouth screaming, “You vile imposter. I taught you everything. Everything! Darling designs adorn royalty. Caress starlets. Command fortunes. Yours are rags in comparison. You…, you were my lackey.”
Benelini mocks, laughing, “Jes! jou Yankee pufta, once, perhaps. But I am not your lackey now. Darling nock-offs, they litter the malls. Ugly women, they walk in your creations. Face it. Jou are finished. I, I am maestro now.”
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| I really enjoyed this, Anna. Very tightly written, with great characterisation. The names are great, as is the dialogue, and I love, 'stalked the catwalk like a tigress'. I also thought the first sentence set the scene very skilfully, without once saying, 'It was a fashion show'. |
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Comment by: pombal - 2008-03-20 01:53
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| :) - I like the way this was written lancslass - I like the short sentences and then snappy dialog - v.effective |
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| Thanks everyone. Karl, thanks so much for pointing out the typo. I looked and looked and just couldn't see what was wrong till you pointed it out. |
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heh he, this was funny as hell. The pomp, the thick pretense, I liked it all.
Small issues:
the singular/plural relationship in this sentence threw me for a few moments. I had to re parse a few times to get it (I don't think there's anything technically wrong with it, however)
"The Quentin Darling Spring Collection stalked the catwalk like a tigress."
typo? "Byers" |
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| Marvelous scene, Anna. I could feel the tension, disappointment, rage and betrayal. Very well done! |
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