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The Fulmar
Another day. A crane barge tugged at her storm buoy two miles off Abroath.
A sullen bird splattered rocking horse world reeking of rust, rotten boards
and diesel. This is a cold place with no time to think, nowhere
to hide for me - the engineer. I am the one apart from the loons who
crack on and curse, happily cocooned within the steady hand of their craft.
I must be the one awake, ahead of everything they do. But I’m tired.
I see a fulmar
and he looks across at me
as he slices air.
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Comment by: champagne Online- 2008-04-17 08:46
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John,
Such a pretty hybrid of senryu and haiku included here. I feel like the bird is announcing your mental distance from your physical presence. Maybe, with its slicing the human is cut from the barge and set to float, tethered to a different anchor.
Anyway, I hear the fulmars calling; can picture them playing on the wind above the surf and I see the man; wind-whipped and watching the boats as they leave the harbour. Terrific visuals and mood setting. Thanks for giving it to us. |
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| Beautiful evocation of a single moment in time. I can remember such tiredness and such moments of suddenly realized peace, as if an exhausted mind becomes more open to the unexpected. I agree with Sophia, the sound of the first verse perfectly fits the imagery. Lovely poem, thanks. |
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| Thank you both. "loon" is a young man in Eastern Scottish, crack is joking type of talk. |
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| This is lovely, John, it evokes so many vivid images in such a little space, and it led me to read it over and over again, like a painting that leads you to look at it repeatedly until you form a fully-developed image of it. I had to go to the dictionary to read through it too - which is OK, because otherwise my vocabulary doesn't expand - and I've always liked to look up new words in the dictionary. Specially the ones that sound enticing, or carry a relevant meaning... |
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Comment by: Sophia - 2008-03-27 04:22
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| The wording in this works well to build up the scene and the feel of the piece. The hard consonants in the first part in particular work. I also really liked the way the last three lines are separate and very different, coming right after 'But I'm tired' it's like seeing the last image through weary eyes. |
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