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In the Kitchen
Before I knew what peace was I looked to you
and your tweeded back, bent double over greasy papers
scattered across nickel-plaited linoleum
Figure of silence, of stasis;
My words are heavily burdened;
Naturally they break from the journey
Between my mouth and your hearing aid.
Butter-slackened sandwiches come sidling out to be eaten
with more regularity than our bouts of communication
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I like your style.
Good work. |
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| I'm not too sure why, but these suggests to be the relationship between a daughter and a mother. It could be transposed into other relationships, but I guess it's the motherly image of someone making sandwiches for you. It's the small details here that work well, the papers, the linoleum, attention being given to these in order to perhaps fill in the space of silence between the two. |
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Comment by: Sophia Online- 2008-03-27 03:30
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Beautifully described, I really loved this part:
'Figure of silence, of stasis;
My words are heavily burdened;
Naturally they break from the journey'
There is a lot of emotion in this, and the fact that it's understated only makes it stronger. The mention of little details like 'nickel-plaited linoleum' and sandwiches and the hearing aid all serve to somehow make the sadness, or the difficulties, seem bigger. |
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Comment by: Dakota - 2008-03-22 03:40
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I liked to be surprised too. I agree with aprilmayed.
I could see the scene, feel the difficulties - even smell the fusty clothes, reminding me of olds that I know. The vastness of difference between us. Voids of silence.
I especially like the last three lines..x |
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| Very unique. I like your style. You also have some great wording that I wasn't expecting. I like to be surprised. Thanks. |
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