Wee Challenge 30: The Wrong Way
It’s dark. If I could wave my hand, I wouldn’t be able to see it. But I can’t. I’ve lodged it where I shouldn’t have. Everything's sweaty, and the amount of hysteria my nervous system is feeling right now is murderous. I feel alone on nights like these, even when someone is there. I don’t know what to do. The darkness is confusing, too near to be sure of action. Then, a voice cuts the sweating dark, a splash of bright paint.
“Ouch! Did you just-? You’re not doing it right.”
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| Fixed! I'm sorry Karen! I still love you! |
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-03-25 17:31
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An exclamation mark and a question mark to end a sentence - what are you trying to do, kill me, boy? No point in giving me gushing, heartfelt praise on the thread, then putting an exclamator and a query together - bah.
That aside - ahem - yeah, fix the repetition of the variations on nervous and it's a good one - very funny.
Cheers
Karen |
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"the amount of nervousness my nervous system"
I agree with Arley. What about, "nervousness my system" and slam another word somewhere more meaningful, like the end, "Sorry!" |
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| Hey! I am an accomplished virgin! GAH!! |
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Comment by: lancslass Online- 2008-03-24 10:05
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Ha, ha, Vysasar, that is great, another to make me laugh out loud.
I like ‘…nervousness my nervous system…’ sort of rhymes with murderous and expresses the anxiety very well.
Clever and entertaining, subtle, in a sledgehammer sort of way. Could almost feel sorry for the guy. |
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