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Oh look at the ants
In their work and toil,
Oh rugged sad men
Who hang in the soil.
You sit and play,
You waste your day.
You have not a care
For the next day!
Oh sad men
You're on Barrow'd time!
Oh sad men
Who think all is fine.
Just sit and wait,
You'll have your day.
Keep sitting and waiting,
And it won't be the same!
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I really like the premise of it. I think the rhythm is off a bit. I tried to re-read it a few times to see if I can get it how you intended it but I couldn't make the really important phrases work. "For the next day" and the last two lines of the poem. It's so close to being short and sweet. But again I really like the dual point of views concept.
A classic theme and interesting approach to it. I have a few suggestions. I would take out the exclamation marks and the ´Oh´s.´ Also, might be good to think of another rhyme for the first day, rather than the same word. That´s my impression, see what you think.
