Drop in Unemployment

SCENE ONE
(ROBERT MCNAB, a handsome, although ignorant, but an undeniably charming man, proudly wears a tie, as the TECHNICIAN sets up his computer for the newly established office.)
TECHNICIAN: And thank you for using Sammy Jone’s Computing. Everything’s ready to go! Just sign your name, here, please.
ROBERT: Excellent!
ROBERT: Thank you Sammy, I am most satisfied.
TECHNICIAN: Oh no, Sammy’s my uncle’s name.
ROBERT: A family-owned business? That’s what I like. We’re on the same boat you and I, as of today. We’re both part of the small business wheel of this country. TECHNICIAN: So what kind of business are you planning to run here?
ROBERT: I’m a man on a mission, my friend. I plan to reduce the number of unemployed, by finding them all jobs!
TECHNICIAN: Well, good luck to you sir.
ROBERT:
There’s going to be a drop in unemployment
Something wonderful is going to happen
That is what I’m here to do
And I’m beginning with you.
(As he speaks the last line, enters KASEY HUGHES, a good-looking but strictly professional woman).
ROBERT: (Clearly impressed) Hullo, there. And, you are…
KASEY: Kasey Hughes. I’m here seeking help to find some work.
ROBERT: Miss Hughes? You have come to the right place; this is McNab Work-Find Enterprises, and I am Robert McNab, you can call me Robert or Rob, I don’t mind. Please, sit down. (They both sit at a desk). So Kasey, tell me, what other qualifications do you have?
KASEY: I haven’t named any yet.
ROBERT: Haven’t you? Well, then, let’s begin with experience.
KASEY: Well, after graduating with a degree in commerce, I’ve worked for two different companies. My first was for one and a half years, in marketing; then I moved to accounting for four months.
ROBERT: Good. Now your marital status; Are you currently dating? Please, its all for business.
KASEY: No.
ROBERT: Great! Do you mind drinking, smoking and are you a vegetarian?
KASEY: No.
ROBERT: Alright then! Anything else you would like to add? An area of expertise, specialties…
KASEY: I can wok long hours.
ROBERT: Really? Well, you seem to be a perfect candidate! So tell me more about your last job.
KASEY: I researched market movement, wrote daily reports on trends and made recommendations for my seniors.
ROBERT: Was it a good job.
KASEY: Yes, I thought so.
ROBERT: Why did you decide to quit?
KASEY: It was for strictly personal reasons.
ROBERT: Well, I do hope we can be more personal with each other. It would help me, to find you a job that is.
KASEY: It was… I was uncomfortable with the environment.
ROBERT: Sorry, I don’t quite follow.
KASEY: I had to leave my last job because I was being sexually harassed.
ROBERT: Well, there won’t be any of that around here.
KASEY Excuse me?
ROBERT: What I mean was I found your new job – as my personal secretary!
KASEY: Was that just the interview?
ROBERT: Yes, that was good enough.
KASEY: Well, then what do we do here?
ROBERT: I’m glad you asked. You see, just recently after ending my last job, I found myself unemployed. That opened my eyes, you see. There were hundreds of other vacant jobs around, but then I realized – there were many unemployed people! So I thought to myself, this is an opportunity to make some money!
KASEY: So you were unemployed, then you found a job, finding jobs for the unemployed?
ROBERT: Businesses just don’t have the time or resources to find employees. So I do it for them. And get paid for it!
KASEY: So what do I do?
ROBERT: You can, organize files, dates, names of clients, those sorts of things.
KASEY: So, should we wait until we receive customers?
ROBERT: Not just wait; we optimistically anticipate!
There’s going to be a drop in unemployment
Something here’s going to happen
That is what I’m here to do
And I’m beginning with you.

(Enters TOBY, unduly dressed, and obnoxious.)
TOBY: Hey is this McNab Work-Find Enterpriseez?
KASEY: Yes. Robert, a customer.
ROBERT: Please come in. Let’s help you find some work.
TOBY: Well, hope you can. My name is Toby.
ROBERT: Okay Toby. Firstly, tell me about yourself.
TOBY:
Well,
I’m useless, I’m obnoxious,
I’m hopeless, I’m a drunk,
In the work force I’m incompetent
In high school I had flunked
I’m useless as useless can be.
Can you be some help to me?
ROBERT: Your problem is not too uncommon.
KASEY: It’s too not uncommon.
ROBERT: But don’t worry, we’ll fix you up with a job in no time. What do you think about paint?
TOBY: They’re colourful.
ROBERT: Exactly! You can start Monday as a painter’s assistant.
TOBY: You mean you found me a job already?
ROBERT: Sure. We just have to make a few phone calls, and (to KASEY) is there a piece of paper he can sign?
(She hands him a scrap piece of paper).
ROBERT: Name, here.
TOBY: Anywhere?
ROBERT: Sure.
TOBY: Well, thank you sir!
I’m useless, I’m obnoxious,
I’m hopeless, I’m a drunk.
But though I am incompetent
I’ve finally found employment
I might be useless as useless can be
But I just got a job for me
(Runs off to work. SCENE change to worksite. EMPLOYER enters.)
EMPLOYER:
Why do I have to put up this!
He just slacks off and he hits the piss,
You’re more trouble than your good
Would fire you if I could,
But I don’t have authority,
Because some other fool has out ranked me!
Why do I have to put up this!
TOBY:
It’s only my first day here
I’m completely useless,
I don’t even know my way here
I’m completely hopeless,

I’m useless, I’m obnoxious,
I’m hopeless, I’m a drunk,
In the work force I’m incompetent
In high school I had flunked
I’m useless as useless can be.
Can you be some help to me?
(Employer drags TOBY into ROBERT’s office.)
EMPLOYER: Are you the one who sent me this useless worker?
ROBERT: Yes I was. And you are his employer?
EMPLOYER: No, I am his co-worker and I’ve been in the painting industry for twenty-six years and I have never seen such incompetence! Even from a beginner!
ROBERT: Well, I’ll talk to your boss about finding a replacement.
EMPLOYER: My boss? Trust him! He hired you to find a worker.
ROBERT: You have an issue with your boss?
EMPLOYER: An issue? I can name a list of things! Like I’ve always said to him we should buy quality brushes, but he only buys his brother in-laws cheaper ones! He said he saved money, but I say if we spend more it’ll make my job easier, they last longer and we will finish jobs faster!
ROBERT: You seem to be able to run the business better yourself.
EMPLOYER: Of course I could!
ROBERT: You could! (To self) He could… (Back to EMPLOYER) how would you like to open your own business?
EMPLOYER: What? Well, I would be honoured to… but I won’t know where to begin.
ROBERT: That’s where we come in. Kasey, cancel all my meetings – we’re going to help this man, start his own business!
KASEY: You don’t have any meetings.
ROBERT: Perfect!
(ROBERT takes EMPLOYER to the back room.)
TOBY: Does this mean I have to find another job?
KASEY: Looks to be that way.
TOBY: Can you help? Something better than a painter. Something easier. Maybe I need to find a job where people leave me alone…
KASEY: Look. It’s not the job that’s the problem, Toby.
TOBY: Then what is?
KASEY: You.
TOBY: oh. Then what should I do? I can’t change the way I am.
KASEY: Well, if you think like that, then I can’t help you.
TOBY: Oh, please, I need help.
KASEY: Yes you do. From a councellor about your drinking. And take an adult education course. And go to a dentist. If you really want to find work, do all those things first. And I’ll do all the research for you. I’ll even do it for free!
TOBY: You would? Thank you, I’ll never forget it.
I’m useless, I’m obnoxious,
I’m hopeless, I’m a drunk.
In my job, I got fired
And in high school I had flunked.
But I’m making some changes!
I’m going to make some changes!
I know just what to do, now
How could I ever repay you?
I’m going to change, beginning now.

(TOBY exits. ROBERT and EMPLOYER reappears, EMPLOYER exits and ROBERT returns to his desk.)
ROBERT: Another satisfied customer.
KASEY: Our second.
ROBERT: You know, the time is right to expand our horizons. We will now not only help the unemployed but to help start small businesses! I know, then we could help struggling small businesses and double our potential! Do you know any small businesses in the need of assistance?
KASEY: There is one…
ROBERT: Hang on, let me write this down.
(ENTERS LILLY, a nervous but bright girl of twenty or so.)
LILLY: Hello?
KASEY: Hi, how can we help you?
LILLY: My name is Lilly and I was looking for the place where people can find jobs for me?
KASEY: We apply resources to assist the needs of unemployed individuals, firms with staff shortages, and recently have expanded to help small businesses.
LILLY: (looks dazed.)
KASEY: I think we could help you. Robert, client!
ROBERT: Send her right in! Hi, welcome to McNab Work-Finding Enterprises, I am Robert McNab, and I want to help you.
LILLY: You do? Well, my name is Lilly and I’m looking for a job, but I’ve never worked before and, I’m scared about if I don’t know what to do. Do you think you can help me?
ROBERT: Why not, this is the city after all.
LILLY: This is the city!
This is the city, I live in
Why aren’t I working?
Find me a place to be
Find me a job for me

This is the city, I’m breathing
I’d like to start working
Find somewhere I can begin
The money-maker within

This is the City I’m learning
Help me start earning
Find me a place to be
So what have you got for me?

ROBERT: Well, what are you good at?
(LILLY shrugs.)
ROBERT: Well, what do you enjoy?
LILLY: Sleeping!
ROBERT: Let me think this over. Kasey, have you received any businesses wanting extra staff?
KASEY: No.
ROBERT: Blast, why don’t companies want our help?
KASEY: Because this companies only just started. If you want more customers you need to improve the firm’s reputation.
ROBERT: How to do that?
KASEY: Increase spending on advertisement, and helping more customers achieve.
ROBERT: Oh. Well, get to that right away! Thanks, Kasey.
(Returns to Lilly)
ROBERT: Ah, Lilly, did you happen to notice the secretary in the other room?
LILLY: Yes, I did.
ROBERT: Do you reckon that she and I will make a good couple on an intimate level?
LILLY: Yeah, you two should really get together!
ROBERT: (Smiles.) You have a gift!
LILLY: I do? Where?
ROBERT: In match-making! You know those dating sites, where people list their credentials, likes and dislikes and make a video of themselves, etc. You help them find their perfect match.
LILLY: I love it when two people find true love! Do you really think I can get a job like that?
ROBERT: I think you’d be great at it. Let me make a few phone calls.
LILLY: Thank you so much.
This is the city, I live in
Wait ‘til I start working
Find somewhere I can begin
The money-maker within

(Exits.)
ROBERT: So what were you telling me about, finding clients?
KASEY: I said you need to rethink advertising.
ROBERT: In what way specifically.
KASEY: Raising spending.
ROBERT: Spend money to make money – of course. How much have I already put into ads?
KASEY: You put in ten dollars for an ad in the yellow pages.
ROBERT: Maybe we can continue this conversation in a less formal environment. Perhaps over coffee.
KASEY: Perhaps we should call it a day?
ROBERT: What I was getting to. Well, take the rest of the day easy, relax, rejuvenate and I’ll see you tomorrow at…say around ten o’clock. I sleep in.
KASEY: Bye.
(She exits before ROBERT can reply)

SCENE 2
(TOBY is in the streets, along with JAMES, a student and a HOMELESS.)
TOBY: (To JAMES): Hold your head up high – you’re a working man!
JAMES: Do I know you?
TOBY: Sure. You used to work at the pub.
JAMES: Toby?
TOBY: You do remember me?
JAMES: Yeah, you used to be there day and night. You look good, not to mention sober. What happened?
TOBY: I dunno. Guess I just figured that’s not a way to live. So I cleaned up my act, received my last cheque from Centre-Link, went off and found myself a job.
JAMES: Well, congratulations.
TOBY: Didn’t do it by myself though. Had a bit of help. (Takes out a piece of paper and shows it to him.) This guy here helped me out. He finds ways for you to improve and then looks out for work.
JAMES: Well, I’m almost finished with uni and I was worrying about how to launch my career.
TOBY: He’s the guy you go to. (To HOMELESS) He could even help you out!
HOMELESS: Help me?
TOBY: You bet! And you don’t have to pay him upfront, and if you don’t get a secure job – then there are no charges involved. Here’s his card!
JAMES: He sounds much better than the competitors!
(Exuent, Enters KASEY, ROBERT with UNEMPLOYED CHORUS).
ROBERT:
There’s going to be a drop in unemployment
Something here’s going to happen
That is what I’m here to do
And I’m beginning with you, sir. What seems to be the problem?
UNEMPLOYED CHORUS:
Well,
I’m useless, I’m obnoxious,
I’m hopeless, I’m a drunk,
In the work force I’m incompetent
In high school I had flunked
I’m without a clue.
Tell me what should I do?
ROBERT:
Your sad story needs a happy end
So I’m going to find you a job my friend.
UNEMPLOYED:
So tell me what should I do?
ROBERT:
Show me what you can do.
UNEMPLOYED:
I’m an idiot, I am dumb
My skull is thick, my head is numb
I’m completely useless.

I don’t have money, I don’t have skills
I’m also really lazy, and I’m popping pills
I am completely useless
We are completely hopeless

ROBERT: Right over here. What’s the issue?
UNEMPLOYED I: I just got fired from the office!
ROBERT: Not a problem. Kasey, find this gentleman work at the postal service; yes, ma’am?
UNEMPLOYED II: I’m just looking for a part time job. But I can only work from 10 ‘til 3.
ROBERT: Come right this way. And you sir?
UNEMPLOYED III: I used to be a plumber, but then I broke my back.
ROBERT: How about position as manager of a plumbing business?
UNEMPLOYED III: Well, I already know how everything works up there!
ROBERT: Excellent! Kasey!
There’s going to be a drop in unemployment
Something wonderful is going to happen
That is what I’m here to do
And I’m beginning with you.

(Exuent UNEMPLOYED CHORUS. ROBERT sits down with TOBY.)
ROBERT: Toby, you’re by far my best client to date! I think this newly established business of yours would face nothing but prosperity.
TOBY: Thank you, Robert, I could never have done it without you.
ROBERT: Say Toby, just between us two – say hypothetically I needed advice on advancing on a girl, without sparking sexual harassment suits, what would you tell me?
TOBY: Just have confidence, and be yourself.
ROBERT: I’ve tried that.
TOBY: Well, then there’s always, cars, money, and after-shave.
ROBERT: Good thinking. (To Kasey, awaits three business owners, a butcher, a Baker, and a Chef.) Good morning Kasey, how are you.
KASEY: I’m fine.
ROBERT: Good. What do we have today?
CHEF: Nice to meet you, Mr. McNab, I’m a chef, and they are a Baker and a Butcher. We met today in this cue and it turns out we all run small businesses, and it seems we all have the same problem.
ROBERT: Specifically?
BAKERY: Well, I don’t sell enough buns.
BUTCHER: And I don’t sell enough meat.
CHEF: And I don’t sell enough burgers. We’re all set for broke!
ROBERT: I hear you. Tell me a bit more about how you operate.
CHEF: Well, my restraunt is located just next to a Burger King, you see. But while the big businesses make fast and cheap, my motto has always been – better!
ROBERTS: So what’s the issue?
CHEF: Well, it seems everybody wants fast and cheap.
ROBERTS: Hm. And what was the issue with your bakery?
BAKERY: Well, I always cook my buns fresh and tasty, but I just don’t sell enough each day, and each day I have to throw most of them out.
ROBERT: Can’t you just bake less bread?
BAKERY: But if I’m a baker and I don’t bake, then what do I do?
BUTCHER: And if I’m a butcher who doesn’t sell meat, then what am I to do?
ROBERT: This has become a tight situation.
KASEY: Well, what if they all joined forces?
ROBERT: Wait! What if they all worked together! Join forces and.. Kasey, help me out.
KASEY: The restraunt buys the bread from the bakers, and meat from the butchers – all for discount prices, and then he sells the produce. The baker will sell more bread, the butcher sells more meat. And if you have more burgers to sell, you can sell it for cheaper!
ROBERT: Precisely!
CHEF: But if we have more business, then we’ll need more staff!
ROBERT: And that is where I can help you. They’ll also need a form of transport – Kasey, who was that truck driver who came in the other day. The over weight gentleman with curiously long eyebrows. We’ll need him for the deliveries!
KASEY: I’ll write up contracts between the clients.
ROBERT: Excellent! Help small businesses help each other. That would be the company’s next agenda!
KASEY: Oh and the tax office sent us another letter.
ROERT: Taxes can wait – we have a business to run!
SCENE 3
(ROBERT sits down with his latest client, STEVE.)
STEVE: Well, I did manage a company for a while, but shortly after I began, it went broke. I don’t know what I did wrong.
ROBERT: So Steve, what kind of business was it?
STEVE: I sold shoelaces, featuring Pokemon Characters.
ROBERT: Shoelaces?
STEVE: Featuring Pokemon characters. I did everything I could –
ROBERT: I may have found the heart of your problem. I won’t bother mentioning it, except to say, it was no fault of your own.
STEVE: Oh. So do you have any ideas?
ROBERT: None that come to mind. But how about a go at small business? You see,I believe small businesses are the way of the future; it creates market competition which forces prices cheaper, and greater protection for the consumers – and helps out the economy! Any ideas?
STEVE: I’ve never given much thought to starting my own business before, but I like the sound of it. How about a company that finds jobs for the unemployed.
ROBERT: Brilliant! Give wider option for those in need… wait, on second thoughts, it might not be such a good idea.
STEVE: No?
ROBERT: No.
STEVE: Well, maybe I can open a shop. Sell records, or toys, or model airplanes…
(Suddenly enter THE UNION BOSSES).
UNION I: Who runs things around ‘ere?
KASEY: Robert, some people are here to see you!
ROBERT: (A last word to STEVE) Sex shop! A great idea, would you excuse me for a moment. (To the UNION) Yes, sir. And you may be?
UNION CHORUS: Who are we?
We are the trade union
Representatives of the union
And this is a confrontation
We’re here to create obstruction

We are the trade union!
Nobody messes with the union
May God bless us for the Union!
ROBERT: The Union?
UNION I: Yeah, and you and I need a talk!
ROBERT: Of course, please.
UNION I: You’re the one finding scab labour, is that right?
ROBERT: Several businesses have approached me, with vacancies.
UNION II: They’re replacement you’re finding. And it’s costing us big!
KASEY: Well, the Union receives thousands of dollars of funds. Why don’t you hire us for a better price than your employees, and we’ll move the scab labour elsewhere.
ROBERT: Great idea Kasey!
UNION III: Indeed, it would work for both of us.
UNION I: And cost the employees…
KASEY: And, just another question. How many hours day, on average do you spend demonstrating?
UNION: Six, maybe seven.
KASEY: Then there’s still ten to fifteen hours a week you can spend at temporary jobs.
ROBERT: Terrific! Make money while you’re on strike.
KASEY: And there’ll be plenty of demand for skilled labour.
UNION III: Sounds alright, don’t it?
UNION: Hmm. It could work. McNab, of McNab Work-Finding Enterprises, you have yourself a deal! Remove the scabs, and find us some work during the strike. Robert, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
We are the trade union!
Nobody messes with the union
May God bless us for the Union!
(Fades out; exuent the UNION CHORUS.)
ROBERT: Another satisfied customer. Kasey you are wonderful!
KASEY: Oh I’ve also received a letter from the Tax department…
ROBERT: Hold on, Ilmost forgot – I have someone waiting in my office. (Returns to STEVE). We were just talking about opening a business.
(The conversation continues in the background, lights on KASEY.)
KASEY:
It’s all about money in the end
Receiving faxes, about paying taxes.
Phone bills, morning coffee re-fills,
Researching market trends
Its all about money in the end

My rent, electing government
Lunch breaks, and rising interest rates
I know it all depends,
On money in the end.

My income bare pays the bus to work

(ROBERT and STEVE shakes hands, STEVE exits, satisfied.)
ROBERT: Well, I think we can call it a day. Oh Kasey, do you have plans for dinner? Don’t think of it like that, I take out all my employees.
KASEY: Alright. But just dinner.
ROBERT: Not a date, of course.
KASEY: I’ll get my coat.
(They sit down for dinner, ROBERT is surprisingly gentile. They waltz. Scene change: three BIG BUSINESS BOSSES enter.)
BOSS I: What is going on? We’re losing market!
BOSS II: The problem is everywhere, profits are dropping, employment vacancies have risen! What is going on?
BOSS III: Now, now. We have all faced rough patches I our time before. We’ll get through it like all those other times.
BOSSI: How’s that?
BOSS III: Just carry on.
BOSS II: But this is the middle of the boom! Our profits should be forever propelling!
BOSS I: And if matters weren’t worse, latest reports show, we’re losing the strike!
BOSS II: No! That has done it! It is now crisis talks, how did this happen? Find the source of the problem, track it down and squash it. Who’s it this time? Over-sea competition? Is it ALP? Reds under the beds?
BOSS I: No, I’ve looked over all of them.
BOSS III: I believe the strongest force in the competition may be something we had all along underestimated. Something smaller.
BOSS I and II: What is it?
BOSS II: Small businesses.
BOSS I: Don’t be fooled! Small businesses, is this a joke?
BOSS II: No wait, now I recall hearing that three thousand new small businesses have opened in the last two years – it is but possible, not by themselves, but together they are out muscling us!
BOSS I: Do you honestly believe that this much grief has been caused by a thousands of families opening up shops?
BOSS II: Not certain, but its probable. Hell, it’s something to do in-between drinking coffee and smoking Cuban cigars. We’ll take down small businesses one y one.
BOSS III: Yes, now I recall one of my aids telling me something about some company. McNab Enterprises, something.
BOSS I: Who is this McNab and what does he do?
BOSS III: He’s a tycoon of a different breed. He ties up the force of small businesses and turns them against us. Oh yes – and I do believe he’s even allied with the Trade unions.
BOSS I: What!
BOSS II: Disastrous.
BOSS III: Indeed. Action needs to be taken, no doubt. How to do it?
BOSS I: Well, we all run business here, and we’ve all done it before. Its time to do business again.
BOSS III: Ah, here’s the name of that company. McNab Work-Find Enterprises.
BOSS I: Excellent, We’ll find his weakness, zoom in on him. And we crush him!
We’re gonna crush this business
We’re gonna crush this business
We’ll tear it up and scrap it,
Shred it down and light it,
There’ll be nothing left of it,
There’ll be not a trace

We’ll crush this business
We’ll destruct this business
We’ll clean it up and pack it,
Tear it down to shreds
Push ‘em down and throw ‘em out
Leave them all for dead

There wont be nothing left of it
Not after we’re done with it
We’ll crush this business
We’ll destruct this business
We’ll tear it up and scrap it,
Shred it down and light it,
There’ll be nothing left of it,
There’ll be not a trace
SCENE 3
(ROBERT is walking KASEY home after a successful evening of fun.)
KASEY: Thanks for walking me home.
ROBERT: Pleasure was all mine.
KASEY: You’re not as bad as thought you were, I confess. Your still a schmuck. But you’re a nice schmuck. Good night.
ROBERT: Good night
(KASEY exits)
ROBERT:
Things are fantastic
It must be magic
I’d never thought I’d get this far.
Business is booming
Romance is blooming
How I’m in love with way things are
TOBY:
Things are fantastic
I am ecstatic
I’d never believed I’ll find my way
But my business is growing
More growth is showing
Look how far I’ve come today
ENSEMBLE:
I feel fantastic
Things are electric
Its all for the economy
Thank you, to prosperity
(ROBERT shows up to KASEY, next day at work.)
ROBERT: Kasey, how are you doing today.
KASEY: Robert some one is here to see you.
ROBERT: Excellent, who is it
KASEY: Tax man.
ROBERT: Oh.
OFFICIAL: A lot of things wrong with this office, Mr. McNab.
ROBERT: I assure, the only thing that’s wrong with it is my over-dedication to the service of my clients.
OFFICIAL: I was thinking more about your debts.
ROBERT: Which include?
OFFICIAL: You’ve paid no taxes, your short on your insurance, there are some unpaid bank loans, and you have under-paid your staff.
KASEY: What?
ROBERT: That’s not true.
OFFICIAL: I have it all right here in writing.
ROBERT: What are all these? I’ve never paid for a satellite connection.
OFFICIAL: They are all standard fees. And add these to your bill. Penalties and charges for your offences.
ROBERT: But I’ve committed no offence!
OFFICIAL: All add up to a total of Thirty-two thousand dollars. You have until Monday or we will confiscate all your belongings, and shut down the business.
ROBERT: What? You cant shut down my business!
OFFICIAL: for further inquires please contact the department of…
(Exits)
ROBERT: What’s going on? I’ve never did anything wrong. I’ve never hurt anybody else. What has happened?
(In the background, BOSSES ENSEMBLE)
BOSS CHORUS:
We’re gonna crush this business
We’re gonna crush this business
We’ll tear it up and scrap it,
Shred it down and light it,
There’ll be nothing left of it,
There’ll be not a trace
(The office has meanwhile descended into chaos.)
ROBERT: Where have all these bills come from?
KASEY: Robert we’re losing clients! Other businesses are offering deals to them.
ROBERT: Well can’t w offer better deals?
KASEY: No, our budget is in deficit already. (Answers phone) Hello? Yes, (hangs up) Mr. Mellow cancelled his membership.
ROBERT: Not Mr. Mellow! Oh why is everything going wrong?
KASEY: (Phone) Hello?
(Enters STEVE)
ROBERT: Steve, thank god you’re here!
STEVE: Oh no. I’m just here to pay the last of my bills to you.
ROBERT: No, please come in!
STEVE: I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Mr McNAb. I heard this place was under investigation, and I don’t know how that would look on paper – dealing with a criminal and all.
ROBERT: Won’t you just sit down, please! Just for a coffee.
STEVE: I’m sorry Mr. McNab, I know our innocent but I just can’t.
ROBERT: But there must be something we can do!
KASEY: I’ve been telling you for weeks to pay your taxes! Where have you been? Look, I know I’m being hard on you, but while you were taking care of others you hadn’t taken care of your own.
ROBERT: But there must be something left.
KASEY: Robert, we’ve been working for eleven hours straight – and we still have over thirty thousand dollars in debt to pay. Please, your body needs rest. I can talk to some lawyers tomorrow and, by next week you can be on your feet with a secure job.
ROBERT: You mean, to give up? But we’ve got this far – we just need a little more time –
KASEY: Rob please! You must have known when you began that these businesses come and go. It was a risk, and you did your best, but you just got out-muscled.
ROBERT: But please Kasey,
KASEY: You only have a couple hours to make thirty thousand dollars. And I’ve already been offered a new place in management for a different firm. I just can’t see another way, but to move on. There’s nothing we can do.
ROBERT: But we have to try! You understand that this wasn’t just work for me, it was something else! It wasn’t just a way to rake up cash, or because I got to wear a tie, or I got to see you every day! There was something! I did something. I helped people. I achieved something. And that meant the most. My clients weren’t just clients, they were my friends.
Oh Kasey,
Oh Kasey I need you to help me
Oh Kasey I plead you to help me.

I know that I’ve sometimes been wrong
And that sometimes I haven’t been right
But you’ve been with me all along, but
I need you once more try

KASEY:
I want to
I want to be able to help you.
But I just cant see that there is a way
If there was something, perhaps I could to help you
But I can’t, no not today
I’m sorry Robert.
(Exits.)

SCENE 4
(In the gutter, two WORKERS are talking. Enters ROBERT.)
WORKER I: Things have gotten better without work-choices, definitely.
WORKER II: I agree. Unemployment has risen a notch just recently though hasn’t it?
WORKER I: Hey look, there he is.
ROBERT:
I am regretful
But I’m hopeful
That some help will come around
That soon I will be found.

I’m alone now,
But I hope somehow, someplace
In this town
Where opportunities surround
That I’ll be found.

I know it,
I’ve done it before
And I know I can do it again
Time to rise up on my feet and win
I like the way that it all sounds
I’ll be found.
(Enters TOBY)
TOBY: Robert? Is that you old friend? It’s Toby!
ROBERT: Toby! How have you been all this time? How’s the business?
TOBY: I’ve started a new one! Its in the wide world of web, and going strong so far. How are you, I heard yours went down a few weeks ago. A shame that, I really liked it.
ROBERT: Yes, I’m in a little troubled spot at the moment.
TOBY: I can see. Hey, you know there might be a spot for you in my firm. Come down to the office with me.
(They walk.)
It’s in market research – I know it’s a step down from your old job, but it’s a start.
ROBERT: Well, thank you Toby. I owe you one.
TOBY: No I owed you one. Here I’ll show you to your new boss. Miss Hughes? (Refers him to a woman at an office desk.)
ROBERT: Kasey!
KASEY: (not the slightest surprised to see him) Hello Robert.
TOBY: Well, I’ll leave you two to discuss more business.
ROBERT: Certainly! There’ll be plenty of business to discuss.
(TOBY exits).
ROBERT: So, was it you that went to a lot of trouble finding me?
KASEY: I merely suggested to Toby that we needed extra staff.
ROBERT: It was you! (Grins) I’ll need t repay you for it, of course. Shall we say dinner?
KASEY: I have authority to fire you.
ROBERT: of course.
KASEY: But I won’t. You can start right away.
ROBERT: But don’t you have to interview me first?
KASEY: That was good enough.
(ROBERT receives some work files, and is about to exit but stops and turns to face KASEY again)
KASEY: Yes?
ROBERT: I’m just curious, why did you decide to hire me?
KASEY: You taught me something I never learned at school.
ROBERT: What’s that?
KASEY: Work ethics. Working for personal gratification, I’ll never forget that.
(ROBERT smiles and is about to exit again when he stops and turns around.)
ROBERT:
There’s going to be a drop in unemployment
Something wonderful is going to happen
As far as the eye can see
And it’s beginning with me.

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