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nonalienabductee
Niccole Segura
Online
United States, Pennsylvania/Ohio

Words: 305
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Trickster

Coyote, I want my man back.  I saw your tongue lick the side of his face, leaving a trail of desire like cactus honey.  I saw you press your nails into the back of his hand, breaking the skin just enough to raise five perfect spots of stained blood.  I saw your laugh swimming in the back of his eyes until they turned to glass.


 


No, I do not want the prince, with his easy words and golden buttons, his silk-hung rooms and mold-speckled flagstones.


 


No, I do not want your breathtaking beauty, deathless as the wind and sharp as bone splinters.


 


No, I do not want fame, nor fortune, nor power to wear around my neck like a child’s useless string of broken beads.


 


I want my man, Coyote, my man with his missing thumb and his gravel-strewn voice and his awkward smile.  Make yourself a manikin from scorpions and sand, for I will not let you keep him.


 


Give him back to me, heart-whole, or I will go to my Grandmother’s and weave until blood seeps from my fingers into the pattern.  I will scatter my blankets over the lands where you dance, across the dunes and through the wildflower fields.  My Grandmother’s sticky threads have caught many a fly and they’ll catch you too, bind you to one place until you cry out from immobility.


 


I have written this letter in the grass, and on the backs of the dry lizards, and in the sweet smoke of my summoning campfire.  I know you see me, waiting here.


 


            You know what I want, Coyote.  Do not force me to come looking for you.


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Comments  
mynamelez Comment by: mynamelez - 2008-03-28 15:56
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This is really good. I like the imagary and threats. The whole peice gives food for thought. Coyote will have to return to sender asap if it knows what's good for him.

great writing.
Boonrassi Comment by: Boonrassi - 2008-03-28 06:27
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Coyote, I want my man back.

//nice.. stroooong voice.

I saw your tongue lick the side of his face, (leaving) a trail of desire like cactus honey.

//might look at syns for that..


I saw you press your nails into the back of his hand, breaking the skin (just) enough to raise five perfect spots of stained blood.

//one may really stop writing that word, its a weakening modifier. its saps concreteness from writing.


No, I do not want the prince, with his easy words and golden buttons, his silk-hung rooms and mold-speckled flagstones.

//nice..


No, I do not want fame, nor fortune, nor power to wear around my neck like a child’s (useless) string of (broken) beads.

//one or the other of those maybe..
chop the useless maybe. let the reader get it themselves with
'broken'.

Make yourself a manikin from scorpions and sand, (for) I will not let you keep him.

//that is craaazzzy Nicole. awesome and killer. bravo.
i like it without the 'for' though.


I will scatter my blankets over (the) lands where you dance, across the dunes and through the wildflower fields.

//maybe not needed, or maybe haha just me.

My Grandmother’s sticky threads (have) caught many a fly and they’ll catch you too,

//not needed.

bind you to one place (until) you cry out from immobility.

//the 'untils' in here echo a bit.



I have written this letter in the grass, and on the backs of (the) dry lizards,

//freakin excellent..
say it aloud without the 'the' there.
its just not needed.

my summoning campfire.

//ultra cool..
and um, read The End of Games.
witches baby!


You know what I want, Coyote. Do not force me to come looking for you.

//Do not force me look for you.
k..
please ignore anything retarded i said.
the nits are hyper tiny. i liked reading this a LOT.
you rock..
( /)
( . . )
c(")(")
T
niceandy Comment by: niceandy - 2008-03-28 02:12
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I really like this. Spell-like. Incantation. Formal. I like most the unusual imagery and the layers of meaning and allegory here.
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