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Tropical Wake
Mandarin sat our sun, skewered
atop shadowed, saddlebacked peaks –
and the sky mourned for its steward
with tears impressed by citric streaks.
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Comment by: mitra - 2008-05-02 07:08
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| You've taken a common experience and made it a masterpiece. |
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Comment by: zepol - 2008-04-13 11:29
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| This is one great piece of work. I like the way your mind works. |
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Comment by: alien Online- 2008-04-01 06:26
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Absolutely blinding (pardon the pun), brilliant poem.
Really, really beautiful.
But no, it's not quite meeting the requirements with regards to the metre. Line 3 is the only truly trochaic tetrameter line.
But, well, apart from that, it's lovely. |
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Mandarin sat our sun, skewered
mand-a rin-sat our-sun skew-erd.
//shoot.. i dont get it then huh? im still missing something?
the above sounds right to me, the goofy judge haha.
are the stresses in the wrong place?
regardless, its gorgeous of course. |
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Comment by: Juan2 - 2008-03-29 13:44
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Hey all, thanks for the reads. Must confess I have no idea about trochee stuff, but I'm glad to know you guys enjoy the poem.
Boon - dang, man, making me blush. Too kind.
Grae - appreciate the comments + kind words. Yup, that whole humptydumpty thing is tough :)
Mrs. Spark - hey, feel free to peek around :)
happy writings. |
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