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Salty Blue Seduction
Sweet seducer,
salty blue
rough are you
yet gentle too,
caressing with your chill,
possessing with your thrill
as you flow around
my body-
swaying in your wake,
roaring power peaked in white
pulses in my head
erasing all my dread
as I give myself to you,
let your water move into
my soul
while your hypnotic waves
rock me like a child
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For a rhyming poem this was very good. The rhymes did not feel forced, good for you! (Sorry, rhyming poetry is a big pet peeve of mine.) Once again I feel very impressed by your work.
Keep expanding your metaphors. Keep experimenting with wording. Make the reader excited to read your work.
You are talented. |
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| Wow, there is a consistent quality to your work which raises what you put down as dealing with themes that a lot of ppl your age write about in here, but puts some poetic distance into it so it isnt like some kind of an emo mope. Ive only cracked it tonite as it happened to be playing in the background. Joni Mitchell. very complex. the ability to write to the personal but be one step removed so that everyone see themselves in the words. YOu dont happen to play guitar or piano do you? have you got yourself a manager yet? appy here LOL>>>> |
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Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-03-31 12:19
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| Hm. Nice. Great images and gives me a sense of what it is like to be rocked in salty waves. You have got something really good in your writing. |
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