i am a suicidal
american
which ironically means
nothing to me

whats it gonna take
for you to read
something in its entirety?
commercials every few
minutes?
a laugh every seventeen seconds?
must i write morbid and obese?
lurid and/or porno-
fuckin'
-graphic?
very fuckin' well then...

"to both relieve
myself of myself
and for the entertain
of the nameless many"

~coolhand

PART 3:

i know this friend
i am dead
i am dead because
of a little bullet
that was hammered
through my head

PARTS 47 - 69

i am now life
i choose life after
that hammer slammed
down and propelled the
little bullet inthrough
the wall behind the
back of my skull

it is a smiley faced
crossed boned decor of
blood and bone bits
drippin' of an irony & free will
stain

it will live on as long
as the wall does
& walls tend to last forever
(hell, if they don't their deconstruction tends to get televised)
but maybe longer

PART 4:

i am full on smoke & debris now

PART 74:

now i exhale
now i decide
now i choose death
it is the same
it is the other side

it is the greener grass
it is the eternal flame
birth is temporary
life is for a while
death is legacy
everybody dies
not every one is
born

PART of a part of: 147

life is

for the
happenstance

life is

for the
accidental antiabortionist

life is

a tour
on a borrowed plane
ticket

directionless

lost in the valley

invading on
BEFORE

impeding on
AFTER

destroying the ground
underfoot

limited to the sky overhead

draped in catastrophe

designed for the
arrogant

PART 852:

limitless is our
grandiosity
we strike match
after match
we convert fuel

it forever changes

PART .000047

we are not lucky

PART 666

we are consequential
from nothing
by way of inventing god
we have become everything

PART 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 -
PART 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.1

there is smoke
coming from inside
the tree from which where i
lay to hide

the leaves ride
syrup down into
the roots &
drench my feet

PART 9 & 11:

i am not stubborn
because i know
i am not

the time i was
not was the day
i was bound to
find out

PART 987654321 & 1234567890:

wretched

eternity is eternally wretched
death is salvation
yet time is evil

time does no good
space is an awful
mother
fathered by rock and
the sun

PART 91010101010101010101010101010101010101:

i am carbon against
my will
and my will is
broken
as it was shamelessly
raped apart from
its body of purity

my innocence was taken
from me earlier
then when i know
and remember

i forget to save
myself for revenge

PART: infinity (+ 1)

i life long journey
back
to a time i
will never see again

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