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Built to Last (Wee Story #31 Buried)
150 wds
_ _ for italics.
The horse exploded from the training gate.
“We didn't select for speed during the gene splicing phase, we- “
“_Be quiet_.” Angeline looked through binoculars.
Thundering hooves blasted chunky plumes of dirt as the horse nosed past the mirrored half mile pole. Angeline's gloved hand jerked, pushed the timer button. She looked at the numbers and fought to maintain a stone face. “You didn't aim for speed.”
“No. We increased _stamina_. By the half mile, the race is over, the speed demons are wasted from fighting for the lead, and the stretch finishers are too far behind to recover the pace.”
“I agree.”
“Damn, it's cold. The gene - S-S798 - was difficult to identify; it's hidden on the DNA strand- buried _deep_.”
Iron clad hooves thumped clefts in hard ground as twin streams pulsed from steaming nostrils. Vapor dribbled from the creature's mouth.
“How much?”
“Five Million.”
She squeezed the stopwatch. “_Done_.”
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| Very good writing. It had a pace to it, im not sure how to describe it, but the cadence of the words made me feel as though i were reading it in real time. That the sentences were perfectly spaced or something, so that it became a simultaneous description. Mucho Kudos. |
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Ah, another dandy.
The only thing that threw me off is the word, 'chunky'. Hmmm... yeah. Not sold. It doesn't seem to add any 'oomff' to the piece. |
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Comment by: LowIQ - 2008-04-15 04:35
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| Another quality read. Liked this one a lot - a little snapshot. |
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Comment by: chocca2 - 2008-04-10 16:43
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| I love the pace and fluid flow of this one. The descriptions take you there. Thanks for a great read! |
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| Wonderful descriptions. I could see it all like a movie scene. Very interesting concept - well thought out and plausible. |
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