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Still Waters - Wee #31
Dave watched as Ray skimmed the stone. It skipped across the surface as if enchanted, gaining rather than losing height and momentum, briefly disturbing the water with each gentle bounce.
Sometimes he hated his older brother--the good looking one, the clever one, the confident one.
Dave picked up his stone and launched it across the lake. It took one graceless bounce before it disappeared beneath the surface, sinking like a normal, secular stone.
He saw the smirk crease Ray's face, knew what was coming.
"You fucking moron! It's only stone-skimming, it's not exactly rocket--"
Dave savoured the satisfying splash as Ray hit the water. He wasn't sure where he'd found the strength to push that hard, but he was sure of one thing: not being able to swim was really fucking moronic.
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Comment by: Manny - 2008-06-16 13:53
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| The last sentence creeped me out...Maybe I just see dark everywhere...but that was more than a simple funny revenge. Maybe its just that it ends with the boy being the water, not knowing if his sibling is going to save him or not...I somehow bet on not. |
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Comment by: alcarty - 2008-06-01 15:22
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| I think in the second opening sentence you invested the stone with fantasy; I know you only said 'as if', but it stayed in my thought as 'enchanted'. Maybe I'm making too much of it, but I wonder if 'skipped across the surface lightly, seeming to gain rather than lose it's height...' might show the usual perfection of the brother just as well. Good read, Karen. |
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-04-18 17:39
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Thanks folks - especially for picking the nits - much appreciated.
Cheers
Karen |
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Comment by: sarra - 2008-04-08 11:59
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Cost of childhood shrink to talk out stresses: $50.00 an hour
Cost of meds to deal with older brothers' mental abuse to you: $200.00
Cost of just waiting for that right moment to exact the perfect revenge: Priceless.
LOVED this!!!! |
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| I love the "normal, secular stone" line. Good story. Sibling rivalry is a tough battle for most kids; and I love the response. Sounds like things have built up a long time before he retaliated. Been there, done that. Very believable. |
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"Wonderful World of Worders"
A collection of micro-fiction by 72 writers, from 27 countries, compiled by Jenni Doherty, published by Guildhall Press with support from the Arts Council of Northern Ireland.
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