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icy
Icy Sedgwick
United Kingdom, London

Words: 150
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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Story Challenge #31 - Buried

Clouds drifted across the moon, pallid in a velvet sky. Tanya shivered, wriggling deeper into her jacket. She stamped her feet impatiently, glancing down at the hole. Rita continued to scrape at its sides with the small trowel.

“Why are we doing this?” she asked, watching her breath curl upwards in the freezing night air.

“It’s for school. Someone might dig this up one day and they’ll get an insight into the twenty-first century,” replied Rita.

“What are you burying?”

“A Myspace flier, my mom’s old Blackberry, a box of expired diet pills and Greg’s jawbone. They’ll have trouble identifying him without that!” Rita giggled, and chills unrelated to the wintry night crawled up Tanya’s spine.

“Hurry up, I’m freezing.”

Rita pushed the makeshift time capsule into the earth, showers of dirt falling across its lid.

Tanya watched as she buried the truth.

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Comments  
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 - 2008-04-09 18:45
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I loved "showers of dirt"-wet and dry in the same description.

But-a jawbone? How would that keep forensics from finding out who he was?
Removing the head and fingers would slow them down-probably but DNA can be taken from bones.
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-04-07 11:16
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Love the last line - and the rest of the story. Yep - I'd lose that speech tag Tim mentioned - other than that, very well done.

Cheers

Karen
Boonrassi Comment by: Boonrassi - 2008-04-06 05:30
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loved it..
excellent dialog with description woven through like a red thread. the structure makes it very cinematic and breezy, fun to read.

“Why are we doing this?” (she asked)

//not much need for that after she just asks a question.

tight story.
( /)
( . . )
c(")(")
T
Informal Grae Comment by: Informal Grae - 2008-04-04 12:35
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'pallid in a velvet sky' - love 'pallid', love the use of velvet (texture) for the sky.

Having been involved with quite a few time capsules in the last ten years, it's nice that something different was included. So many times when asked what they should put in the capsule, the schoolkids would suggest a mobile phone and their homework.

Who was Greg, BTW? Intrigue and mystery.

Thanks for the read, Icy - Grae:)
krademacher Comment by: krademacher - 2008-04-04 09:29
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Wow. A chilling story, for more than one reason. I liked the different between the two girls. The imagery was spot on and not overplayed.
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By icy

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