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RJWilliams
RJ Williams
United States, CA, Covina

Words: 153
Access: Public
Comments: 7

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Buried

Gardening was a most personal pastime. One person’s favorite herb may be way down on someone else’s list. Her favorite were the English Lavender. These looked great when they flowered, and once pruned, they stayed compact. She had wanted triangle beds, but at the last, went with a rectangular design. Adjustments were a necessary part of life; things did not always work-out as planned.

The summer breeze carried the smell of the sweet herb to the porch. It was difficult to determine which ones grew faster or slower from where she sat, but no matter. Sometimes, if she tried hard, she could still hear his voice.

“You idiot! Watch where you’re going!”


“Next time, I’m gonna wipe that stupid grin right off your face.”


“Get your sorry excuse for a life in here now.”


Yes, being flexible was the key, she thought, swinging back and forth on the hammock.


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Comments  
ThePenguin Comment by: ThePenguin - 2008-04-15 15:10
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Enjoyed the hint of the past husband, and leaving it up to the reader to imagine what happened, with those kinds of quotes from the past.

I'd have been tempted to move the last sentence to the forst paragraph, and use the last sentence of the first paragraph as the summing up (with a few word adjustments). It gives a better "smugness" to the lady's feelings about her departed partner.

Also, watch the tenses, and the "to be" usage, as Karl suggests (no, "to be" does not always suggest passive sentences, but you could choose more active verbs).
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-04-10 12:39
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Nice wee piece with macabre undertones, RJ.

One nit:

Her favorite was the English Lavender. These looked great when they flowered, and once pruned, they stayed compact. - first sentence has singular English lavender, second has plural - might be better to choose one and stick with it.

Thanks for the read.

Cheers

Karen
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2008-04-08 20:36
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Nice story, RJ. You could save one word by dropping "THE" before English Lavender. I have a friend who grows them, dries them and hangs them for frangrance and makes oils from them. Interesting story. Thanks for sharing. Janet
sarra Comment by: sarra - 2008-04-08 11:52
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ooooh if this is about what I THINK it's about, you did real good at it. Hahahahha..
I liked this a lot and I don't think anything needs changing.
RJWilliams Comment by: RJWilliams - 2008-04-05 12:43
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I see your point Karl, but my intent was to use the past tense and purposely downplay the MC's actions. The narrator is reflecting in a passive voice on the little scene I painted here.

Arley, I now see the needed separation on the word--> Work-Out.

Thank you both.
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