Alien Poetry 13: Rondeau
They only started to burn,
Not feeling the great gears turn.
A summer heat wave
From hell, none left to save.
With fire, the oceans started a churn.
Egyptians go, forced to adjourn
To feet shriveled, as they spurn
Once soft sands, now knave.
Nothing ever lasts.
In this fire, none will learn.
Few will fight, most will yearn
For an end. What the sun gave,
It takes back, a loss with no stave.
No lifting of burdens, no concern.
Nothing ever lasts.
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Comment by: Thula7 - 2008-04-09 09:10
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| I like the rhyme and the flow, but as Cheryl pointed out, it doesn't fit the rules of the form. If I read it as it stands, I like it a lot. The images are vivid and stand out in my mind. When I read it as a rondeau, the meter falls apart. (I didn't get the meter either, but that's why poetry is more of a foreign contry for me.) |
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Comment by: frees340 Online- 2008-04-08 18:32
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I tried to fix it! Sorry cheryl, im a failure at meter!
And you shouln't like a work because of imagery. Anyone can do imagery. |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-04-08 08:43
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I like this poem, even though it doesn't cpnform the the brief really in anything other than the rhyme scheme.
It's not in iambic tetrameter (which is only a little sin, really) but also the refrain lines aren't right. Ther efrain should be the first half of the first line, so lines 9 and 15 should really be "they only started".
However, as a poem in its own right, there's a lot of potential in this. There's an awful lot of good imagery that youcan work with here. |
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| Now that's what I call poetry. Full of imagery and other figures. I'll still look into it . |
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