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Buried (Wee Challenge 31)
“No one will know.”
His uncle’s words were still in his head as he started his task. They would not know. His knowledge would remain buried.
He dug deeper as he looked at the large garbage bag at the side of the ever-growing pile of dirt. Still not deep enough to contain it. He wiped away some sweat and continued silently.
He stopped when his shovel hit something hard. There would be no further digging. It did not seem deep enough. But it would have to do.
He dragged the garbage bag over and into the hole and looked down at it. Yes, it would work. As the realization hit him, he fell to his knees and looked up at the sky and closed his eyes.
As he said the incantation and watched his wife reborn before him, he knew that his promise would stand. No one would know.
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-04-10 13:00
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I'm not quite so sure about this one, Ryon. I've read it about five times now, and I can't help feeling it's too big a tale for the word limit - that it needs to be fleshed out (no pun intended) to make the bigger picture clear.
It's atmospheric, I did enjoy it - but I prefer your 'Still Waters' story in this round.
Thanks for the read.
Cheers
Karen |
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As he said the incantation and watched his wife reborn
//i loooove witches lol.
He stopped when his shovel hit something hard.
//this is 'telling'. someone talking a story.
The shovel banged against a rock.
//thats 'showing'.
its really really important to deliver some showing sentences in writing too.
love how it starts with a line of dialog, you might even throw in another one.
and i *do* like the story.
try to think verbs verbs verbs if you revise this.
thanks,
T |
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Comment by: Arley - 2008-04-05 06:47
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| Good tale, Ryon! |
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