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Lin
Where spirits howl
where even chaos has abandoned him
he walks his path alone
he thinks of the way ahead
he sings of dreams to come
he speaks the words of love
one way. one path
one goal. her heart
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Comment by: JayBean - 2008-04-17 01:41
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nice,a short but complete poem.
Well done.
JB |
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Comment by: Sdry - 2008-04-05 11:02
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| Thank you for the comments, fixing the spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language and I'm still learning, will try avoiding mistakes a bit better in the future. |
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| Nice work. But I must that I find some things rather out of place. In line 4, the comma there does no good to the work. Furthermore,I would suggest that the last two lines be broken into four lines, that is, "one way" should stand alone, "one path" also..... And then the last word I surpose you meant heart. |
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After reading your poem I realized that I have felt this way as well.
I think that you have good thought processes here but I noticed some errors in the poem.
abandonned should actually be abandoned.
I'm not sure that you need a comma between he thinks and of the way ahead.
I think that one goals should actually be one goal.
Happy writing! |
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