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frees340
Vyasar Ganesan
Online
United States, TX, Austin

Words: 150
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Wee Challenge 31: Still Waters

Raging against the hull, the ocean fought Pride. But both vessel and captain laughed, and battled their way to reap the bounty beyond the storm.

A violent wave sloshed a shoeless man into the cabin.

“Captain!” he yelled hoarsely. “It’s getting worse!”

“Relax! Enjoy it!” the captain nearly tore off the wheel. “We’ll be there before you know it!”

The man would have replied, but a violent lurch tumbled him out. The driver pushed the Pride into the path of a massive wave. Grinning madly, he put the engines at full.

Everyone on deck screamed when they saw the wave cresting over their heads. It seemed like the grim reaper had come, but then, the ship broke through its depths to the other side. Many were waterlogged, but the captain stepped into the sunshine. Staring across the still waters, he knew it was the end of their search.

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Comments  
frees340 Comment by: frees340 Online- 2008-04-12 13:05
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I edited it karen!
Thanks for the comments people!
stackman Comment by: stackman - 2008-04-10 22:23
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I haven't read much "flash" fiction before. I have to say I like the changing weather theme. I wonder if there is some underlying allegory?
karjon Comment by: karjon - 2008-04-10 13:09
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Yep - it's a good one. You've built the excitement well.

One crit - 'the captain exclaimed' - you've used an exclamation mark, so we know he exclaimed. Maybe: “Relax! Enjoy it!” The captain spun the wheel. “We’ll be there before you know it!”

Something like that - not necessarily those exact words.

Thanks for the read.

Cheers

Karen
sarra Comment by: sarra - 2008-04-09 01:05
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Ahhh I really enjoyed this one. I didn't know what to expect and was hung up on every word. Well done!
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2008-04-08 20:52
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I think this is my favorite of your Wee Challenges I've read. Nice work. Great contrast from one section into the sunshine. WOW. Wish weather was like that here. LOL Good luck. Janet
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