I Said Don’t







A 10 minute play

by

Virginia Conn











©copyright 2007 Virginia Conn





Location
A very nice restaurant. Sounds of other diners, but subdued. Early evening.



Characters
BLAIR: 25, very well dressed, very attractive. Professional

KENNETH: 40’s. Well dressed. Preserved, but definitely in his 40s. Also Professionals. Associates in the same firm.

CHRIS: Late 20s. Well dressed and handsome.



Time
Now.





I Said Don’t

Restaurant. Sounds of other diners. BLAIR and KENNETH at a table. BLAIR is 25, KENNETH is almost 40s. Both look good, professional.

KENNETH
Are you gonna eat that?

BLAIR
Which?

KENNETH
(Looks at her plate.) The pasta, the sausage, the veggies. Do you intend to save this for breakfast?

BLAIR
Maybe. I’m not that hungry now.

(KENNETH starts eating off her plate.)

Don’t do that.

KENNETH
What?

BLAIR
Eat off my plate. I don’t like it.

KENNETH
Never said before.

BLAIR
I am now. Don’t. People are staring.

KENNETH
No, they’re not. They’re thinking, what a nurturing woman, feeding her man like that.

BLAIR
The women are thinking, damn, she’s going to starve to death.

KENNETH
It’s endearing.

BLAIR
It’s annoying. It’s like ants at a picnic, or bears from the woods. Vultures swooping down from the sky. It’s just dirty.

KENNETH
It’s not like I’m eating out of a dumpster. Elbows deep in garbage. You ever do that?

(BLAIR, stony silence.)

I’ve seen people do it. I wanted to take them out to eat. Say, hey buddy, let’s grab a bite. There’s always a McDonalds or something. Hard to take, seeing someone that hungry. Needy people get to me.

BLAIR
So if I threw it on the floor, you’d quit bothering me?

KENNETH
That’s not what I said, really. (Looks down at the floor.) Is it that big a deal?

BLAIR
No…

(KENNETH reaches again and BLAIR slaps his hand.)

I said don’t.

KENNETH
(Too loud.) Ow! Now people are staring.

BLAIR
Notice the smiles of satisfaction on the women’s faces.

KENNETH
You never minded before.

BLAIR
I just never said.

KENNETH
C’mon, this is a celebration.

BLAIR
Then I should get what I want.

KENNETH
Huh. A little success at the office. Well deserved I’d say, but just the one thing. Your first of, pray to God, many more. Every one’s success puts money in all our pockets. But it was your first.

BLAIR
Maybe that’s it. I’ve been afraid to say something. I appreciate all you’ve done for me.

KENNETH
Glad to help.

BLAIR
But I wouldn’t be honest, if I didn’t mention that it bugs me.

KENNETH
It’s common, is all I’m saying. Ok, so you don’t like me eating off your plate. I won’t make a habit of it, but sneaking a piece of meat off your plate occasionally can’t be a bad thing, huh? We can make a game of it. (Points, animated.) Look, Jerry Seinfeld and his wife…

(BLAIR falls for it, turns to look. KENNETH takes a link of sausage.)

See? When it’s a game, more fun, right?

BLAIR
Getting the whole room to look? That’s not funny.

KENNETH
I didn’t mean funny. Games don’t have to be funny. I meant to get the sausage off your plate. You won’t deny your man a piece of meat, eh?

BLAIR
I don’t want you reaching across the table…

KENNETH
No one was looking.

BLAIR
No, they were looking for a celebrity that wasn’t there.

KENNETH
We’re too celebrity conscious as it is. It’s not as if I yelled, "Fire." That’s against the law. But pointing out how gullible people are about celebrities is no biggee. They deserve it.

BLAIR
Deserve it?

KENNETH
Pointing out their shallow natures. And it did no harm. Perhaps turn it into an anecdote at the office. It may even be that Seinfeld shows up when they retell it. It’s their story now. They can do whatever they want with it. It’s theirs.

(Beat.)

BLAIR
They’d be lying, just like you.

KENNETH
Ok, let’s recap. I’m a liar and a scavenger.

BLAIR
I forgot maggots. Maggots feed off food.

KENNETH
Flies.

BLAIR
What?

KENNETH
Flies lay eggs on the food and maggots hatch.

BLAIR
(Disgusted, pushes plate away.) Oh, gross.

(KENNETH stabs another tidbit off her plate.)

Bastard!

KENNETH
It’s a sin to waste food.

BLAIR
I’m not familiar with that one. It’s a sin to steal.

KENNETH
I’m paying, so how could I be stealing?

BLAIR
Depends on the jury. Then there’s the one about coveting. You’re coveting my food. I always like that word. Coveting. Makes the thing sound so, I don’t know, worthy. Even if you’re just being a greedy bastard. Say coveting and it’s noble. It’s worth you wanting it.

KENNETH
Not a crime. Unless you steal it.

BLAIR
Coveting is. Worth two commandments. The Bible is very specific. Then there’s adultery.

KENNETH
Also not a crime.

BLAIR
A sin, that’s worse.

KENNETH
Depends.

BLAIR
On what?

KENNETH
On what you’re calling adultery.

BLAIR
It’s like that hungry person in the dumpster. Maybe he prefers it. Maybe he doesn’t want to have to go through all the shit of asking. Having to ask for money on the street, or hook for it. Maybe it’s just better to go get it yourself, from the garbage.

KENNETH
It’s garbage.

BLAIR
You hear all the time someone finds a treasure in the trash. Priceless paintings, gold coins, valuable documents.

KENNETH
None of those things are edible.

BLAIR
To a starving person, food is worth more than gold.

KENNETH
Stupid conversation. All I said is I wanted to feed the guy.

BLAIR
You’d kick him in the ass and slam the lid.

KENNETH
When? I wouldn’t do that.

BLAIR
What’s the difference? You clean the guy up, feed him. Get him to feeling good about like, good about possibilities.

KENNETH
What’s wrong with that?

BLAIR
Even gets that terrible thing. The worst thing of all. Like something from a horror movie, it starts at the base of your skull, and it spreads. Tingles and wakes your whole brain.

KENNETH
Tingles at the back … (Starts to feel his neck.) What is it?

BLAIR
Hope. It’s a terrible thing, because you start trying. Where it’s all going, you don’t know, but you start hoping. Start looking more than five feet in front of you. Your luck has changed. Like a fog lifts, and there’s this whole street in front of you, and lights around, or the sun is shining. That’s hope.

KENNETH
Not so terrible, c’mon.

BLAIR
It can be, I’m saying. Makes you want this thing and that. Even if you can’t afford it or really got no use for it.

KENNETH
No, it isn’t. Hope is good. It’s a start. Then confidence kicks in and you know you can buy this car, rent this apartment. That’s New York. It’s not mindless want. It makes you want and then gives you the opportunity to buy it. Buy it. Not steal it, or kill for it. Plan for it. Work for it.

BLAIR
Right. You work for something, you should own it. Out right. Not have anyone come back to you and say, I did this for you. You owe me.

(Beat.)

KENNETH
Are we still on the food off the plate? Man, you really have a thing about this.

BLAIR
It’s a whole thing. A menu of things. That whole nurturing thing, about how I should "feed my man". You’re not my man.

KENNETH
I was talking about perceptions. People see a man and a woman they think "couple".

BLAIR
But we’re not. We’re associates of the same firm.

KENNETH
Little more than that…

BLAIR
Never more than that. Not in that way. We never were a couple.

KENNETH
Whoa! Wait a minute! We’ve been…

BLAIR
Been what?

KENNETH
Y’know, lovers…

BLAIR
Lovers? You paid, just like everyone else.

KENNETH
But that was just, what? Working your way through college, right? That’s what you said.
BLAIR
Working conventions in my field, trying to hook up with someone.

KENNETH
Right! You have an MBA.

BLAIR
Bought and paid for.

KENNETH
Right. And you moved here, away from that life. New beginning and everything. It’s not like I just picked someone up …

BLAIR
Out of a dumpster.

KENNETH
And you’re fucking good at your job.

BLAIR
I’m fucking good at everything I do. Now I’m showing a profit.

KENNETH
That’s right. I knew you’d get it. I knew you’d be a success.

BLAIR
If I hadn’t, if this hadn’t turned into anything, I’d be out of here.

KENNETH
Back…?

BLAIR
Hooking? I made more money in a year than you.

KENNETH
I want you to forget about that life…you hated it. You told me so many times…

BLAIR
So let me out.

KENNETH
Me? Let you out? Out of where?

BLAIR
My debt to you. Meeting with you. You insist we meet, have lunch. Touching me at the office, asking me on "dates".

KENNETH
Dating is normal at your age.

BLAIR
I don’t date johns.

KENNETH
I’m not a john. I’m your co-worker. No, more than that. Your friend.

BLAIR
I choose my friends. I don’t date co-workers.

KENNETH
You can’t mean that. We have history.

BLAIR
Every time I look at you, I remember. And I think everyone knows. Everyone knows our connection.

KENNETH
No one knows. I’m going to own up to using hookers? Recommending a call girl for Area Manager?

BLAIR
I appreciate all you did. Helping me out, getting this job. And like you said, my success puts money in your pocket.

KENNETH
I got you out. Out of that life.

BLAIR
Now let me go. What’s the difference between you and some pimp who won’t let a girl up? You’re no different.

KENNETH
I am. I … love you. I can’t conceive of my life without you.

BLAIR
Then leave your wife.

KENNETH
(Shocked.) You’re kidding? I couldn’t do that…Never do that.

BLAIR
Why not? You love me. You just said so. You are always calling me into your office, interrupting me when I am taking to people at the office, especially guys. They’ve even asked, what’s with you? Are we having an affair? That’s why I leave the door open now. So no one thinks there’s anything going on. You’re ruining my life.

KENNETH
You’re saying I don’t mean anything to you? That what we had, what we’ve had all along, means nothing? I’m just another guy at the office?

BLAIR
What am I? To you. There’s a question to be answered.

KENNETH
I love you.

BLAIR
Divorce your wife. Make an honest woman of me.

KENNETH
(Laughs. Sees too late that’s the wrong response.) I can’t leave my wife. She doesn’t deserve that.

BLAIR
Deserve what? An honest man? A faithful husband? That’s what I want. Someone of my own. Someone to love me, share my successes with. My own. That’s what you’ve got me doing. Thinking I could have that. Have normal. But then you take it away when you, I don’t know, lay claim to me. Like you own me.

KENNETH
So you don’t love me? Forget the other stuff, the job, helping you out. Forget that. What about me?

BLAIR
Every time I fuck you, I think I’m turning a trick. Nothing’s changed. No MBA. No college, no struggle, no good job. I’m still in the life. I can’t move forward.

KENNETH
(Devastated.) You…don’t like me even? What? I’m just a john?

BLAIR
What am I to you? Who do you think I am? Not a wife. Not YOUR wife. You have one.

KENNETH
You want marriage? You want me to marry you?

BLAIR
Yes. I want public. I want you to go public.

KENNETH
There are guys who do that. It’s not so strange, I don’t think.

BLAIR
Are you that guy? That kind of guy? What if someone finds out? How would that be at the office? With your friends?

Beat
KENNETH
No.

BLAIR
Then leave me alone. At the office. On the phone at home. Just be my mentor. Take pride in my success, but let me go.

KENNETH
I gave you the deposit on that apartment.

BLAIR
Thanks. Like the rest, I appreciate it. But at the rates I charged, I’ve paid you back at least ten fold. Consider the rest your finder’s fee, for getting me the job.

(Waves to someone.)

And our business is concluded.

(CHRIS, 30, well-dressed executive type, walks over
to the table.)

(BLAIR rises to kiss him.)

This is Chris Wallace. Of Baxter, Clement and Aston. We met at the Alverson’s meet and greet.
KENNETH
Of course. (Shakes his hand.)

(CHRIS helps BLAIR on with her coat.)

BLAIR
Kenneth and I just had some details to work out on the OSHIMI deal.

CHRIS
Man, that’s a beauty. True beauty.

KENNETH
It is. It is that.

CHRIS
You must be doubly proud, since you brought her into the firm.

(BLAIR and CHRIS should be leaving.)

KENNETH
Yep, she’s our little money-maker.

(BLAIR and CHRIS exit.)

END

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